How to Coach Yourself and Others Coaching Families

In fact, for any given client statement, the therapist has the choice to take that statement in many directions. These choices usually involve—in some way—reifying the problem (i.e., lending credence to the fact that there is a problem). Deframing is another option. It works in the opposite direction of reification, and it effectively challenges the existence—or at least the power—of the problem (O’Hanlon & Weiner-Davis, 1989, pp. 52–53). Because postmodernist therapy views the congruent therapist a forming a system with the client, the therapeutic unity that evolves in that process represents a co-creative effort at finding a solution or dissolution to the problem. And so, it becomes clear that deframing—introducing uncertainty and doubt into the client’s cosmos—can be a powerful tool for influencing the client when dealing with a client’s dysfunctional, useless embedded beliefs. Examples of Deframing Questions - How do you know that to be so? What makes you say that? How is that so? Where did you get that idea? On what basis have you reached that conclusion? What do you think is the origin of that belief? What is the foundation on which you rest your case? Did you ever have any doubts about those thoughts? Are you sure that’s accurate? What makes you so sure? What are the benefits in believing that? What influenced you to think along those lines? Why would you want to stick with that belief? Example of a Deframing Sequence Therapist: How do you know that having a baby now will make you feel better? Client: It’ll be part of me. It’ll be something I can call my own. T: How is it important for you, right now, to have something you can call your own? C: It’s normal. That’s for sure. T: And what makes you say that? C: It’s all around me. T: What’s all around you? C: Kids. T: I’m sorry. I don’t understand. What does that mean? C: You know. Kids! My mother had 10. Lots of my girlfriends already have one or two. T: And how old are your friends? C: Sixteen. T: How is it that they had children at 16? C: Well, there’s no sense going to school if you’re failing semester after semester. T: So, they were failing all along? C: Yes. They were. T: I understand you’re still attending school. How are you doing in school? C: Barely hanging in there. T: Barely? How’s that? C: I’m passing, but barely passing. T: What are some things that passing could mean to you? 245

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