How to Coach Yourself and Others Coaching Families | Page 222

Th: Was your mum the only person with whom you shared this?
Mo: Well I tried to talk to my friend but I felt a bit bad, because all the same stuff had happened to her, and
I just told her to leave and lost patience with her, and then I ended up being just as weak as she was.
Th: From talking to other women who have lived with violence like you have, I often hear a similar story
that they feel they should leave, but it is easier said than done when you are living with that fear on a day to
day basis.
Mo: That was it really, the fear, it kept me weak, and I loved him.
Th: Women tell me they hold onto a hope that if only they did a bit better, were a bit stronger, their partner
will change, so they keep trying over and over again. Did that happen for you?
Mo: Yes, I took him back more than once you see, lots, but then I thought no more, not with the kids seeing
things and all that.
Th: What gave you the strength to put the kids first, and keep sticking to it?

7.5 Return to Objectives and Goals of Therapy
The therapist should return to the issues of goals for therapy as therapy progresses:
i.
ii.
iii.

If goals seemed unclear during the initial stages of therapy, it may take some time and thought with
the family for them to consider the areas they want to change in therapy, or to find priorities for
change.
If goals are achieved, so that goals can be renegotiated, perhaps for change at a wider system level,
or a decision to move towards the end of therapy is made
If goals change due to changing circumstances for the family.

Example:
Things are beginning to improve for a family whose initial concerns were the suicide attempt made by their
daughter. She is no longer suicidal and seems to be getting happier at home and at school. The therapist
discusses with the family whether they are happy with this progress, and whether they are left with other
issues they would like to bring to therapy.
Fa: I mean I think we are all lot more relaxed about Janice now, she was in her room for hours at the
weekend, and I realised at the end of the day that I hadn’t gone and checked on her once, and I figured that
was because I was beginning to trust her again, I mean I didn’t have to watch her every 5 minutes, or worry
what she was up to.
Th: So it seems like all of you are feeling that your concerns that Janice will harm herself are less now, and
Janice you said you felt a bit happier at school. Now these changes are taking place, has it left you with
different ideas about what it could be helpful for us to discuss here?
Janice: Noth