How to Coach Yourself and Others Coaching Families | Page 116

intensely focused on child in her family. Furthermore, Martha's mother is the oldest of four siblings and was
raised in a family with a mother who was a chronic invalid. Martha's mother was a not very well
differentiated oldest daughter. Her life energy focused on taking care of and directing others to the point that
she unwittingly undermined the functioning of her youngest daughter. Martha played out the opposite side
of the problem by becoming an indecisive, helpless, and mostly self-blaming person. Martha's father was
the youngest brother in a family of five children.
[Analysis: Martha, by virtue of her mother's focus on her, has the moderately exaggerated traits of a
youngest child. Furthermore, her father being a youngest and her mother an oldest favored her mother's
functioning setting the tone in the family. In other words, her mother was quicker to act than her father in
face of problems.] father was quite dependent on his wife for affirmation and direction, even when she was
depressed and overwhelmed. As an only child, the pattern of functioning of the triangle with his parents was
the major influence on Michael's development. His emotional programming in that triangle made him a
perfect fit with Martha.
[Analysis: Michael's only child position makes him a somewhat reluctant leader in his nuclear family. He
wants Martha to function better and to take more responsibility. He is unhappy feeling the pressure himself.
Despite being in the one-up position in the marriage, he is as dependent on Martha as his father was
dependent on his wife.]

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