How to Coach Yourself and Others Coaching Families | Page 114

Martha would make the wrong decision. In time, Martha's sisters came to view her much like their mother
did and treated her as the baby of the family, as one needing special guidance. Martha's father was
sympathetic with her one-down position in the family, but he distanced from family tensions.
Martha detested herself for needing the acceptance and approval of others to function effectively and for
feeling she could not act more independently. She worried about making the wrong decision and turned
frequently to her mother for help.
[Analysis: The primary relationship pattern in Martha's family of origin was impairment of one or more
children, and the projection process focused primarily on Martha. The mother's over functioning promoted
Martha's under functioning, but Martha largely blamed herself for her difficulties making decisions and
functioning independently. Martha's intense need for approval and acceptance reflected the high level of
involvement with her mother. She managed the intensity with her mother with emotional distance. These
basic patterns were later replicated in her marriage and with Amy.]
Martha's mother is the oldest child in her family and functioned as a second parent to her three younger
siblings. Martha's mother's mother became a chronic invalid after her last child was born. As a child,
Martha's mother functioned as a second mother in her family and, with the encouragement of her father, did
much of the caretaking of her invalid mother. Martha's mother basked in the approval she gained from both
of her parents, especially from her father. Her father was often critical of his wife, insisting she could do
more for herself if she would try. Martha's grandmother responded to the criticism by taking to bed, often
for days at a time. Martha's mother learned to thrive on taking car R