How to Coach Yourself and Others Coaching Families | Page 106
3. The Nuclear Family Emotional Processes
These are the emotional patterns in a family that continue over the generations.
Think about a mother who lived through The Great Depression, and taught her daughter to always
prepare for the worst case scenario and be happy simply if things are not that bad. The daughter
thinks her mother is wise, and so adopts this way of thinking. She grows up, has a son, and without
realizing it, models this way of thinking. He may follow or reject it, and whether he has a happy
or distressed relationship may depend on the kind of partner he finds.
Likewise, think of a daughter who goes to work for her father, who built his own father's small
struggling business into a thriving company. He is seen in the family as a great businessperson as he
did this by taking risks in a time of great economic opportunity. He teaches his daughter to take
risks, "spend money to make money," and assume a great idea will always be profitable. His
daughter may follow or reject her father's advice, and her success will depend on whether she faces
an economic boom or recession.
In both cases, the parent passes on an emotional view of the world (the emotional process), which is
taught each generation from parent to child, the smallest possible "unit" of family (the nuclear unit).
Reactions to this process can range from open conflict, to physical or emotional problems in one family
member, to reactive distancing (see below). Problems with family members may include things like
substance abuse, irresponsibility, depression....
The concept of the nuclear family emotional system describes four basic relationship patterns that govern
where problems develop in a family. People's attitudes and beliefs about relationships play a role in the
patterns, but the forces primarily driving them are part of the emotional system. The patterns operate in
intact, single-parent, step-parent, and other nuclear family