How to Coach Yourself and Others Beware of Manipulation | Page 85

ignore it and say, “I’m not going respond when you act this way anymore. You’re going to have to
communicate differently.”
Don’t Give It Too Much Power
I wouldn’t give pouting and sulking too much power by overreacting to it or punishing your child. I
personally wouldn’t give consequences for it, either. After having the conversation with your child
about other ways they can express themselves, I would ignore the behavior completely. But here’s the
key: whether they’re sulking or not, your child still has to comply with your rules and do what you’ve
asked of them. If they behave oppositionally or have defiant behaviour because of your requests, then
deal with that behavior. Although it’s annoying, try to stop responding to the fact that your teen is
walking around the house with a huffy attitude.
Remember, deal with behaviors that are more easily observable and are more “acting-out” in nature.
So, allowing your child to be in a sulky mood and not responding to it is the best way to get out of it.
Let it die by neglect. In fact, like plants, a lot of these behaviors do die from neglect. If you leave them
alone, they’ll die. If you water them and nourish them, they continue to grow. It’s as simple as that.
How to Reduce that Whining in Your Ear
Whining has also become much more prevalent in our
society over the last decade. You see a lot of people
complaining all the time about things they can’t change.
People blame others for their emotional state regularly, on
all ends of society. When people constantly complain about
problems, emotions or situations, they're not willing to do
anything positive about them.
The emotional state that accompanies whining is usually that
of feeling sorry for yourself. So maybe something’s not
going your child’s way. They’re not getting something they
want, or they’re afraid they’re going to lose something
they’ve got. All of this contributes to the level and intensity
of the whining.
Establish a “Complaining Time”
What I like to do is to give kids a journal in which they can
write their complaints. They get to complain about
something once, and afterwards they have to write about it in
their journals. Set aside a certain time every day when your
child gets ten minutes to complain, discuss what’s bothering
them, and whine. At the end of the ten minutes, (and it’s got
to end on time), everybody goes their way. Your child gets
another chance tomorrow during "Complaint Time" or
whatever you choose to call it. This will help extinguish the
constant whining.
By the way, when you establish a complaint time (or whining time), your child will have to work to
find things to complain about. The whining stops because most kids don’t want to do any work - they
just want to complain. Another benefit to you as a parent is that from now on, when your kids whine,
you can tell them to write it in their journals or save it for the complaint time tomorrow.

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