How to Coach Yourself and Others Beware of Manipulation | Page 83

How to deal with it:
1. Say “NO”
Recognize the manipulative statement. If you can, minimize your exposure to the statement because it
is like glue and it sticks to you. When you hear it, just say "No". Ignore manipulative people's words
and be aware of the fact that you may want to reply to their question or statement. Don't do it, it is bait.
2. Turn it back on the guilt giver.
Take a return-to-sender approach with guilt trips and don't let their interpretation of your behavior
determine the situation. In this case, you can give them a little of their own medicine so that they
understand how it feels to be made to feel guilty. This approach involves taking what the manipulator
has said and tell them how they aren't respecting, appreciating, caring for, etc. your behavior toward
them, and in the process, you dissolve the need to meet the obligation they're aiming to impose. For
example:
 A: "You don't care about all the hard work I've done for you."
 You: "I sure do care about the hard work you've done for me. I've said as much many
times. Now it seems to me that you don't appreciate how much I care."
 A: "That's not true! I appreciate it!"
 You: "Yes, just as I appreciate your hard work."
 Shorten their hold on you. When a manipulator tries to guilt-trip you by suggesting
that they don't matter, don't buy into it. Instead, answer with a quick retort that breaks
this hold instantly. For example:
 A: "Okay then, go on that camping trip with your friends while I do all the work
looking after the dogs. Don't worry about me."
 You: "That's great! I'm glad you're happy to look after the dogs while I'm away.
Thanks!"

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