How to Coach Yourself and Others Beware of Manipulation | Page 79
4. Emotional blackmail
Mental or Emotional Blackmail: Don't fall victim to those who use love as a bargaining tool.
Such a manipulator will commonly use phrases like, "I know you love me, so...", "Because I love you,
do X, Y, Z for me...", in order to trick you into accepting what they desire. This often occurs in married
relationships and also between friends.
People who display this type of attitude will
often make you feel indebted or that you owe
them something. Instead of letting them
manipulate your love for them, try to point out
how what you're doing is proof of your love for
them, and bonus points if you can be
compassionate enough to weave in recognition
of their love for you too:
A: "If you loved me, you'd take me on
that business trip. I don't care about your
boss' miserliness, that's your problem,
not mine."
You: "I do love you and that is the very
reason I don't want to inflict my boss on
you. You'd have a horrible time having
to be super polite around him and he
would resent having you there and
would possibly even try to demote me
for not taking the business trip seriously
enough."
A: "You think that this garden is more
important than me."
You: "Actually my dear, I tend the
garden with care to ensure that you have
somewhere fun and safe to play war games with your mates. I want it to be perfect for you, just
as you try to paint the house in colors that you know I like."
Me