How to Coach Yourself and Others Beware of Manipulation | Page 68

4.3. Punishment
Manipulators often punish their victims when they don’t get what they want or in an effort to still get
what they want when other forms of manipulation have failed.
Punishment: includes nagging, yelling, the silent treatment, intimidation, threats, swearing, emotional
blackmail, the guilt trip, sulking, crying, and playing the victim.
1. Nagging and Yelling
When he wants something from you, but you decline his initial request, the manipulator may keep on
asking until you finally get bored and give him what he wants.
In the process, they may plead and whine at some times, taking a child position; then again they will
demand the thing they want, being angry and stamping their feet or argue rationally why you must give
them what they want. They may make you promises, even agree to do anything (in reason!) that you
want in order to show how important it is to them. They may nag at one time (such as when a child is
in a shop and wants something bought for them) or they can wear you over a period of days (or
months, if necessary).
Example
Oh go on! Go on -- let me have it, please? Please can I have it? I'll do what you want. Just let me have
it.
(over time): We need a new carpet...This carpet is dreadful...I really don't like this carpet...There's a
sale on at the carpet warehouse...Jan got a great new carpet last month...
Why it works
Nagging is a very well known method by many children, who know that although they do not have the
control of their parents, that persistence will, in the end, pay. The child's method often gets repeated in
domestic partnerships, where, although you might get your way, a habit of using this unsubtle method
can lead to the relationship ultimately breaking up.

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