How to Coach Yourself and Others Beware of Manipulation | Page 26
Manipulators exploit the following vulnerabilities (buttons) that may exist in victims:
According to Braiker,
the "disease to please"
addiction to earning the approval and acceptance of others
Emotophobia (fear of negative emotion; i.e. a fear of expressing anger, frustration or
disapproval)
lack of assertiveness and ability to say no
blurry sense of identity (with soft personal boundaries)
low self-reliance
external locus of control: According to Julian B. Rotter, a person's "locus" (Latin for "place" or
"location") is conceptualized as either internal (the person believes they can control their life)
or external (meaning they believe that their decisions and life are controlled by environmental
factors which they cannot influence).
Individuals with a high internal locus of control believe that events in their life derive primarily
from their own actions; for example, if a person with an internal locus of control does not
perform as well as they wanted to on a test, they would blame it on lack of preparedness on
their part. If they performed well on a test, they would attribute this to ability, effort and study.
If a person with a high external locus of control does poorly on a test, they might attribute this
to the difficulty of the test questions. If they performed well on a test, they might think the
teacher was lenient or that they were lucky.
According to Simon
naïveté: victim finds it too hard to accept the idea that some people are cunning, devious and
ruthless or is “in denial” if he or she is being victimized.
over-conscientiousness: victim is too willing to give manipulator the benefit of the doubt an d
see their side of things in which they blame the victim.
low self-confidence: victim is self-doubting, lacking in confidence and assertiveness, likely to
go on the defensive too easily.
over-intellectualization: victim tries too hard to understand and believes the manipulator has
some understandable reason to be hurtful.
Emotional dependency: victim has a submissive or dependent personality. The more
emotionally dependent the victim is, the more vulnerable he or she is to being exploited and
manipulated.
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