How to Coach Yourself and Others Beware of Manipulation | Page 219

describe your ideal …?". Also: Ask for advice: "what would you do?", "how do you do this?", "what
do you suggest?".

6.2. In a next step, combine Discovering Values with Visualization.
A good but very straightforward method is: The direct suggestion + feed back question. Using phrases
like: “If you were to imagine feeling really sad right now, how would that feel like?” will take people’s
imagination back to moments in which they felt that way, inducing a similar feeling right now.
Of course, saying something like that so blatantly requires that you have previously built up a good
deal of trust and comfort. Unless people accept that you have some right to share the information asked
for, and unless the context allows for believing that you have a genuine interest in the subject at the
time of asking, you are prone to meet with strong opposition just because it is straight out suggestive.
A more indirect way to obtain the same result is: The manipulative question. You might say: "What do
you need to feel in order to be really comfortable around someone?" , or: "What does it feel like when
you feel incredibly happy / attracted to someone…?"
A still somewhat weaker variation hereof is the indirect manipulative question. This would sound like:
"Have you ever found yourself becoming so longing to buy a product, that the rest of the world just
seems to fade away and all you can think of is how much you need to have this thing? And have you
ever felt this so strongly that you were ready to pay almost just about anything to get it?” The
disadvantage here is that you could get a simple “yes” or “no” without the other person ever having
done a conscious effort to re-live the situation. At that point, you simply ask: “why was that?”, “Can
you tell me some more about it?”
These questions have four important advantages:
 The answers will provide you with useful information about the deeper structure of the
listener’s mind and of his world-view,
 They will reveal you which kind of arguments are likely to influence this person. e.g. which
qualities are needed by this person to feel comfortable with somebody [you],
 At the same time they will make him actually go through the experience and relive the
connected feelings, in order to being able to describe them to you, and
 Their subconscious mind will automatically associate the context with the speaker, the result
being that the listener will instantly feel more attracted to you.
Always keep in mind to: Present evidence for what you say, Submit your proof for verification, Be
confident and relaxed, Look into the eyes of the listener (but don’t overdo it) and Use your listener’s
Christian name.

6.3. Meanwhile, Create Rapport.
We've used the word before in this article, and you have certainly read it many times before. But what
is rapport in fact, and how do you create it? We all know that “A man convinced against his will,
remains of the same opinion still ..” That is why every sales- or hypnosis course and every article about
dating will tell you that you need to start with creating as much rapport as possible. Only after you
have created sufficiently emotional connection and trust, will your listener feel comfortable enough to
actually listen to you, and accept and emotionally respond to images that you are describing.

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