How to Coach Yourself and Others Beware of Manipulation | Page 175

63. Ingratiation
Ingratiation is a simple method of influence that seeks to get others to like you and hence comply with
your requests.
Jones (1964) defined three methods of ingratiation: other-enhancement (flattery), opinion-conformity
(agreement) and self-presentation.
Flattery
Tell the other person how wonderful they are. Express
admiration of their achievements and for the person.
Exaggerate their positive attributes and excuse, downplay
or ignore their negatives. Show that you like them, respect
them and trust them.
If they have written or done things of which they are proud,
indicate how you have taken time to read their works or
study their actions as these are so excellent as to be worthy
of anyone's time and attention. Tell them that others
appreciate them also, particularly those they respect.

Agreement
When they express an opinion, agree with them, wholeheartedly. Show you have similar beliefs and
values. Be impressed with their arguments and do not challenge their assertions. Smile and nod when
they are talking (except when they are talking negatively, when it is better to show concern).
Show your agreement subtly by re-using their words, matching their body language and otherwise
indicate that you are in rapport with them. Lean towards them. When they frown, you frown. When
they are animated, show visible enthusiasm.
You need not agree with everything, but it can be a good idea to be relatively gentle in your opposition
an allow yourself to be persuaded on points that are important to them and disagree on things that not
so important to them.
Self-presentation
Present yourself in a way that the other person will like. If they
like smartly-dressed people, dress up. If they prefer jeans and Tshirt, dress down. Speak well. Be knowledgeable but not arrogant.
Speak clearly and concisely rather than rambling on at length and
hogging the talk time. Be interesting and interested. Listen well
and show you understand.
Help
You can also ingratiate yourself with others by actively helping them, looking after their interests and
generally providing support. Look both at their current goals and as well as their wider motivation. Do
things that will likely get their thanks.

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