I kept staring out at the darkening street . Had I turned around , I would be compelled to run inside and huddle by the stove .
“ I know . Have you seen my coat ?” She came to my side . Her face was heavy . “ Here . I patched it this morning .” A thick bundle of scratchy cotton fabric was pressed into my arms . I got up slowly . “ This isn ’ t fair . He ’ s the man in the family .” My complaint was petulant , half-hearted . I was delaying the inevitable . Then , for a second , I was suddenly enveloped tightly in familiar warmth . “ Saying it isn ’ t fair doesn ’ t change a thing ,” she said quietly . I drifted numbly out of her arms and onto the street . From behind me , there came a final call : “ Don ’ t come back without your brother .” I turned around one last time . Her face betrayed her tone : not a demand , but a plea . The lamplit glow of the house seemed to sag , growing bluer and heavier . With that , I retreated gladly into the rustles , creaks , and cries of the night .
—
“ That thing shouldn ’ t be there .” I stop halfway down on a platform to stare at Xin Tower once again . The sun has crept up its spine like a ladder , to perch eerily at its apex . The glare hurts my eyes .
Boots swings idly from a steel pipe . “ My auntie lives right next to the site . She ’ s barely slept all month thanks to all the construction .”
I say it again . “ It shouldn ’ t be there .” My eyes compulsively trace a path up a jagged face . Either Boots spots me , or he just knows me well enough : “ The controversy surrounding that thing is no secret , and neither are people like us . It ’ ll be swarming with guards .” My spit whirls down to the ground , eventually disappearing into thin air . “ We can ’ t let them push us around so easily .” “ I never said we should .” He smiles wearily . “ I take it you have a plan ?”
—
The wall grew bigger with every step . I faintly loathed the air of claustrophobia that emanated from it , but it would be the quickest and safest way to my brother .
Slums were crammed in at the city ’ s edges , next to the wall . Streets grew thinner and darker , like corrupted veins strangling the houses in between them . Although the streets were less crowded at night , they still bubbled and seethed with the same energy . In every alley , the shadows of rats and men slunk past each other , dancing between shutters that flapped and rattled in the wind , stirring up an erratic cacophony that jolted me with every burst of sound . Through them all the wall grew bigger and bigger behind every corner .
Thanks to the deepening darkness , I was caught off guard when I rounded a corner and nearly collid- ed with its monstrous bricks . It crouched , like a brooding giant mass , against the mottled black sky .
Night swallowed the world around me . As I progressed , all I saw was the endless arc of the wall , and the sky above me .
For now I was alone . The moon , the clouds , and the wall were all there was to witness me . I wondered whether if nothing had been there to affirm my existence , I could have simply walked into the darkness and disappeared forever . Amid mental flashes of what was still to come , I savoured the thought .
Up ahead , a commotion was making itself known through the ground . Stamping feet and rumbling carts drummed up through my feet , the air swirled with the smell of frying fat , and lights played along the side of the wall , growing stronger every moment . I was nearing the slums of the Eastern Gate . Before long , I would come to smell the sickly sweet stench of opium .
—
In Shanghai , the buildings stretch so high on every side , one forgets the night sky is up there , pressing hard on the tips of skyscrapers like a rubber sheet stretched over a forest of knives .