I pushed through waves and waves of people struggling to have a glance at who were arriving through the heavy gates . My eyes met with dozens of weary eyes -- men limping from injuries acquired from the war . Children ran into the arms of their father who returned . A teary eyed mother embraced her son . I saw my father get off the grey truck , and my sister running towards him . When the crowd slowly started to fade out into the openness , I saw him -- staggering behind the long line , with his leather bag slung on his drooping shoulders . My heartbeat pounded in my ears as I mouthed his name over and over again . But my words were drowned out by the cries of the crowd . I saw his eyes widen as he recognized me , and for a split second I thought he would say my name -- and with that , his head connected with the jaggered ground . ‘ Chang !’ I screamed , pushing my way through the crowd . I stumbled across to him , my hands scrapping the ground . I held him like a mother cradling her child as his head lolled against my lap , coughing up blood . ‘ Help , please . Somebody , anyone , please …’ Before I could mutter another word , hands shot out to grab him from me , people heaved him up on a stretcher . I saw his limps dangled lifelessly as he was carried away . The crowd cleared to let him pass through , leaving me -- a girl in rags with bloody hands , kneeling in the middle of the streets with tears tracking down her face .
The sky crackled with the coming monsoon , as the rain poured down on the old city of Shanghai . So did the dam break for me . Once the first tear broke free , the rest followed in an endless stream . I bent forward , pressing my palms against the hard pebbles until the cracks welled up with my own blood , I had not known fear when the Japanese broke our windows with their rifles , but I know it now -- when I saw life drain out of his eyes . The cold wash that went down your back , the lead weight in your stomach . Fear , cold raw ebbing fear .
A few days later
They would not let me see him . ‘ Inner hemorrhage ’ I heard one of them say . ‘ He is not well enough to see you ,’ they say . ‘ But what if he would never be well enough ?’ I would retort , ‘ Would you let me see him then ?’ At that , they looked at each other and then told me to run along .
I paced around my room , fists clenching and unclenching . The cold air swirled around me but my insides were on fire . My heart thundered on as dark thoughts roamed my head . Letting out an agonizing cry , I flopped down on my bed and attempted to sleep . Failing miserably , every time I closed my eyelids , all I saw was the dreadful sight of him falling and falling to the ground , and me -- failing to catch him .
I tossed and turned in the events of a never ending nightmare , until I made up my mind -- to barge through the hospital doors at first light , unyielding to anyone who dared to stop me .
That morning
That morning ’ s serene start to the day was a strong indication that the day would not end the same . I walked along a narrow path until I came to a rusty gate . The gate made an unpleasant creak as I forced them open . The overgrown grass glistered in the sun which was blazing in the cloudless sky .
I reached the hospital , a huge building consisting of several wings with a clock in the middle . The whole approach to the hospital was full of people waiting to be examined or waiting to see their relatives .
‘ You again ?’ greeted the doctor as he saw me pace through the hallway with a look of determination plastered on my face . ‘ He ’ s still not well enough -- ’ he began . ‘ I don ’ t care ,’ I cut him off abruptly , ‘ I didn ’ t ask for him to be well . I just asked to see him .’
The doctor opened his mouth as if he was about to say something , but closed it as he probably thought better of it .
Through the unending hallways of the hospital , the eerie silence made the faded walls look even menacing . Taking another turn , I found myself in a large room . The radio was on when I walked in , the announcers continuing the same , meaningless conversation . The pale white walls matched the boring bedspreads .
He lay there on the bedside by the window . The tag No . 48 circled his wrists . His eyelids closed against the soft light , his breathing steady and relaxed . Not a twitch , not a spasm , barely any movement of his chest rising and