I was born just a few days before the Spring Festival , during the coldest days of the year . But my birth , like a flame in the freezing winter , gave to the whole family , especially to my father , who got me as his first son at the age of about forty which seemed quite late during that period . Therefore , my father coddled me madly , he almost satisfied all my desires , I have never worried about the problem of food and clothing as long as I can remember . I own my private room , have innumerable toys and various clothes which now in retrospect it was impossible for other children to achieve at that time , but it seemed like deservedly to have those in my mind as once I asked my father for something , he would do his best to make it come true , I consider everyone else got the same life as me during my young and ignorant age . Sometimes my mother even could not stand the spoiling , they also quarreled for this more than once in my memory .

When I grew up , I gradually found I was very special compared to my contemporaries . At the age of school , my father found two knowledgeable teachers for me to let me receive education , it was too hard for me to understand , as I was only a child , why I could not go to school as normal children , I sometimes felt so bored that no one accompanied me in learning . My childhood was passed during this well-fed but slightly insipid life .

I became more and more curious about my family as I was at the age of teenagers , that began to have own understanding of everything . I found lots of strangers going in and out our houses who seemed like soldiers because of the guns on their waists , but they looked very scared of my father . I don ' t know why , but I could feel it in the air .

I still remember that summer night which was too hot to fall asleep . It was midnight , I wanted to get some water from the kitchen . On the way , I found that the study ’ s light was still on , out of curiosity , I fell in the doorway to listen . My father was having a meeting while playing mahjong with his followers . That is his special way of having meetings . I heard a deep voice ‘ this plan of city defense is absolutely confidential , we have got this in our hands for one day , no one can take us .’ Then I heard my father say ‘ the existence of this map should only be known by the people sitting here today , even your family don ’ t have the rights to know , if this secret is leaked out to the public , don not blame me for the ruthless . You know I am the person who disgust the traitors most .’ I accidently smashed the vase near the door into pieces , the crackling sound resounded in the house , my father yelled inside ‘ who was outside ? Catch him , don ’ t let him go !’ A man like a giant in my mind with frightened beard rushed out of the room immediately with a gun holding in his hand and pointing to me , I was totally shocked then ran to my father without thinking . My father stared at that man angrily which hinted at him to put his gun away while clasped me in his arm and said to me ‘ it ’ s all right , it ’ s getting late , you need to be in your bed for sleeping .’ I went back to my bedroom , but I could not fall asleep at all . I was wondering about all the things happened tonight . What the map meant , why my father doesn ’ t want others to know and why they were all very anxious about being caught ? This puzzled me deeply .

The next day , my mother wanted to talk to me , I knew it was for the things happened last night . I sat on the sofa , playing with my fingers , strained to the roof that I was even afraid to look at my mother ’ s eyes directly . My mother talked to me genially while touching my head ‘ You are not a young boy any more , maybe it was the time to tell you something about the family . As you know since the Qing Dynasty extinct , the country was torn apart by the warlords , each warlord was controlling his own region . Your father was a marvelous person who survive in the wars and splits among the warlords successfully , and became in charge of Shanghai , whether the Kuomintang or the Japanese , they both dreaded about the power of your father in Shanghai . That ’ s why you could have the life that everybody dreamt . Please cherish this hard-earned life . You will never understand the effort your father has put to reach this height and own today ’ s status . Forget about the things happened last night , it ’ s still too hard to explain to your age . Just pretend it didn ’ t happen at all , both for you and our family .’

To be honest , I was still confused even my mother had explained to me at that age . I was kind of selfish that I thought it ‘ s unnecessary to care about other ’ s feeling , as long as I was happy . Later on , as I went to university , I

Hong Kong Young Writers Anthologies Fiction 4567 | Page 159