Hong Kong Young Writers Anthologies Fiction 4 - 7 2018 | Page 53

“I owe her an apology.” She whispered, “She had cared for me for so many years, yet I left her, just like
that…”
For a moment they were both lost in thought.
“Do you think I’m silly?” She suddenly asked.
“Well, perhaps a few years ago I would, but now I understand the willingness to do anything for your
beliefs. You have travelled this far to find your mother, and I’m about to…” He swallowed hard and said,
“Go to Tian-Zhu . It’s the cradle of Buddhism.”
Her widened in shock. It sounded like a strange and foreign land to her, located somewhere extremely
remote. “Why?”
“The sutras, they are mistranslated.” He said worriedl y, “It causes long-standing conflicts between the
northern and southern Buddhists. If this divergence becomes prominent, then we wouldn’t be able to
practice our religion as devoted Buddhist.” He paused, “I have to go and decode the sacred sutras from
where they originated.”
“The Emperor had banned foreign travel.” He took a deep breath, but his face broke into a smile as he said
that, “But things will eventually work out, as long as you really want them to.”
His eyes glinted with determination as he spoke of Buddhism. She knew that nobody could stop him. Her
reunion with him was a pure coincidence, he was fully ordained as a monk in one of the many monasteries
she went to do her prayers. The joy she felt had not yet receded, yet she had to say goodbye again.
Perhaps this time it would be a farewell.
“All the best.” She said, forcing a smile. He had stood up now, she raised her head to look at him and their
eyes met. She gazed at him wonderingly just as she had done as a little child.
***
As she sat measuring the fabrics she thought about him. A pious monk who had dedicated so much to his
belief was bound to be remembered.
Others would only see him as a courageous monk who made contributions to Buddhism, she thought, but
to her he was far more than that.
He had found her a home when he had never known her
She had always seen it as a good deed he did like many Buddhists would, it’s an idea that is embedded in
this religion.
No matter what his intention was, it had brought a tremendous impact on her.
She stopped her work with the fabric, took a calligraphy brush and a stack of papers; she grinded some ink
and started writing ferociously. She suddenly decided that she would write everything about him, the abbess
and the nunnery.
She knew nobody would ever read them, she could only silently acknowledge their significance in her life.
The Buddhists believe in the idea of rebirth. That there will always be an afterlife until you reach
enlightenment. She hoped that she would still be able to remember them in an afterlife.
***
Seattle, 2018
When Laurie heard the door of her mother’s bedroom close she crept out of bed and tiptoed to Helen’s
study, holding a torch in her hand. She turned the torch on as she approached the bookshelf; light
illuminated the spine of some books.
She shifted the torch until light fell on the book she looked for. She reached for it, trying to make as little
noise as possible, then went stealthily back into her room.
Great Tang Records on the Western Regions . She had been reading this book secretly under her bedside
lamp for days now. It was a book her mother loved too, but she dared not to read it in front of her mother.
She had always made a big deal about how Laurie had lacked the interest for learning the history of China
and would probably shed tears of joy if Laurie had told her she enjoyed the book. Laurie cringed at the
thought.
It had taken a tremendous amount of time for Laurie just to get through the first few pages, for she could
hardly pinpoint the exact meaning of those Chinese words. She didn’t know where exactly her interests had
stemmed from.