Tick , tick , tick . It was 12:08 . How undeserving Xuan was of his life . He sighed , dragging a hand over his eyes and down his face . With his other hand he picked up the plastic bottle of water and glowered at it , loathing shining deep in his eyes . If only I had died with her .
“ Argh !” A wave of frustration involuntarily jerked his arms across the scratched surface of the table , dropping crumpled papers and bleeding pens in a flurry of sound that had every head in the cafeteria turning . Silence permeated the room . Xuan stood up , his chair scraping across the floor with an ugly screech , and gathered the papers abashedly .
He threw the half-empty bottle away and went home . To hell with school .
two
Unwilling feet dragged Xuan all the way home , traipsing across neighbor lawns and jaywalking across nameless streets . To any passerby he might have seemed lonely , maybe deranged , but one glimpse inside his mind and anyone would discover that was most certainly not the case .
He was just as sane as everybody else , except for the voices that kept him company . He supposed they had always been there in the back of his mind , but it was his sister ’ s death that brought them to the surface .
The too-bright lights of the ER made him sick to his stomach , and when he stumbled into the bathroom , slamming open the door with such force that it banged into the wall with a resonating crash , hatred blossomed out from his esophagus and choked cries echoed off the porcelain toilet bowl . He was okay , he thought bitterly , but his sister wasn ’ t . His legs were soft , his fingertips tingling , and his tongue numb to the sour taste of the bile he had just retched out . What a waste , someone clucked their tongue disapprovingly . It was the Pig ’ s gruff voice that piped up in his mind first . They were greedy , and selfish , and everything bad about Xuan that he wished didn ’ t exist .
Then there was the Little Girl , though , contrary to what the name suggests , the Little Girl could be neither Little nor a Girl , but Xuan had always imagined that the voice belonged to a child — a lively bundle of spirit with dark , dark eyes like his own and a head full of wild , flaming orange hair to match her unpredictable and explosive personality .
Redhead redhead , redhead bedhead . That was how it always replied to Xuan ’ s inquisition of how it looked — like a child ’ s rhyme , but more like a mantra than anything else .
The Little Girl and the Pig got into fights often , about trivial and unimportant things that would make Xuan flinch ( though they looked like nervous ticks to an outsider ) but also about big , huge arguments that would leave Xuan ’ s brain pulsing and throbbing for days .
That was where the Mediator came in . It was calm , cool , quiet , and Xuan had never once seen it show any type of emotion . Frankly , it scared him . He supposed it scared the other two as well . As soon as the Mediator thumped down his giant foot that sent a pounding ache through Xuan ’ s brain , the Little Girl snapped its mouth shut and scowled while the Pig grunted and turned its back , grumbling at how unfair it was .
Crack . Xuan glared at the stick he had stepped on and kicked the remnants . Face it , you ’ re hopeless without her . He scowled . “ No ,” he stated firmly out loud , trying to convince himself more than anyone else .
I ’ m not . But you are , the Little Girl joined in , giggling slightly . Xuan ’ s hands trembled slightly . “ My parents love me ,” his voice cracked . Look at you , the Mediator mused idly , trying so hard to convince yourself that you ’ re okay . You ’ re not okay , the Pig snorted . They blame you , you know , the Little Girl said , attention elsewhere as it twirled a strand of hair around its finger . They think you killed her . You killed her , it repeated , propping its chin up with a cupped palm . “ I-I ’ m …” he shut them out , trying his best to ignore the pounding in his heart and his head as if someone was throwing their entire body weight against a locked door . I ’ m not to blame , though his heavy heart told him the truth .