Hong Kong Young Writers Anthologies Fiction 3 2018 | Page 222

My Queries
Sha Tin College, Ko, Mary-Anne - 12
A
pparently, someone staked their claim upon your head and broke open your very first burden, and
poured you out like the water which gushed out of the rock standing at Horeb, channelled by an
ancient power which summoned from two knocks it did come forth.
Did you ever believe in the power of being carved by another power, a force not of this planet? I know not
whether to be subjected to mankind’s thoughts- for foolish indeed they may be, but a paradox. As man
consists not of one, nor an entire army uttering the same declaration of loyalty towards the country which
they serve, but an intangible mass of various different forms. But just because you have earned my
sympathies, which I guard very well, and my trust, should that mean that what my soul has been laid upon
has been indented into yours?
From what I have withdrawn from, you took in.
Yet, you were scorned, which was an utterly wronged stance. For that would have made a fire-breathing
dragon scorned, that would have made the sea-creatures which lay below scorned, that would have made
everything else scorned.
What made you different?
Perhaps the fact that the fate of destiny never cried out from below, and instead came from above. But you
weren’t born to be destined to join in the ranks of the Gods, a foolish monkey, and nothing more but a
monkey- that’s what they said.
And, I suppose, when you have lived an entire life in contrast, in vivid black and white, and being the
contrast… Was that how you felt? Crushed, shattered, broken to the point of no repair, yet being the leader,
the ruler of a colony of your kind… Did you conceal your true motifs, or did you hide it behind the
unfairness of the situation and took advantage of it by locking yourself in the midnight dark?
I have to say, I envy you for having stayed in peace, having the sense of privacy which one like I has always
longed for, in that silence. But there wasn’t yourself to find, was there? It was what you could unleash that
you had to find, it was what you had to seek for within yourself.
But were you, for a moment, emotionally bounded. Hurting to see the truth, but it came unto full display,
did it not? For even after you thought you found it, those who scorned you pulled you back to the ground,
and the burden from which you were birthed from was once again placed upon your head.
I wonder if there can be any correlation between history, stories, and one’s personal life. But history and
stories are far from sincerity, for wouldn’t it be shameful to sacrifice your dignity to the judgement of those
who could potentially scorn you?
But, you had your army to pull you back onto your feet and to motivate you. You were always over those
who were under you, yet you were under those who were over you. Perhaps, that is the fine line which
draws us apart. For you were never under those who were over you, and under those who were over those
who were over you. You’ve never felt the need to retreat to what’s buried deep inside your heart, which
nobody can ever see or ever know of, nor have you shed those silent tears. Have you?
Or did those agonies return after your burden shut you into its dark womb once again, waiting for the day
when it would birth you? Did pain only ever lay inside your heart, with its walls clenching and unclenching,
your memories bittersweet- those impossible dreams reaching out to knock your soul. Once, twice… Until
all the sadness locked within rushes out, like those standing before that rock which Moses tapped twice with
his staff? But they feasted upon that precious source- those who scorned you, those unforgiving memories.
Did anyone truly free you after that? You were freed, but were you freed from yourself? I imagine, I
desperately cling onto the hopes that someone can save one from the wolves chasing from within, and by
the shoulders they shall grab me and pull me out of the nightmare. Shivering in their arms, waiting for the
pain to reside, until it’s gone.
But can it be? Maybe… For at some point, reality can claim back what hopes and dreams have taken, and
down into reality- like how you fell from the sky, and for a moment stayed under those who were over
you, and above everything e