Hong Kong Young Writers Anthologies Fiction 2020complete | Page 393

Lfe
Harrow International School Beijing, Tan, Celine - 12
A pair of swollen eyes slowly opened itself, with a puzzled look staring at the ceiling. I can still feel that hidden
pain inside my head as if everything I see is in my illusion, is this my own utopia?
“We wish you a merry Christmas and a happy new year…”
The sound of we wish you a merry Christmas and a happy new year dances in the distance, lovely but familiar.
My toes had a sudden excitement, but my stiff body still refused to sit up, until, an exploding voice demanded
me to sit up. Immediately, a faint whiff of roasted man-made duck brought a pain of yearning to the top of my
stomach. It growled. My eagerness made by hunger brought me down the bed, through this elegant house with
curtains drawn and furniture set, out to the strong but cold door. I pushed it open. Sunshine poured into me
piercing through my eyes instructing a hand to be raised, with a cool ocean breeze brushing through my asleep
hair, adjusting their position. However, the breeze mixed with oil smells and complaints’ atmosphere…
A swirling sound came in attack and punched my ears, my face was flattened vertically by my hands with
frustration and fear. It was until a dark, deep, black invaded this piece of purity, that my heart was on a racing
elevator, draining all colors on my face, slicing all air in my stomach and building all metal on my legs. Again.
Again, it was that sudden eruption of voice. That voice. That voice, told me to look up and appreciate it?
Everything thing collapsed under my head, so I could only raise my head. Appreciate it. True. Appreciate it. Out
of your marbles! It was a well-built, stream-lined private aircraft. Now I am seeing a dozen of those, parading as
if welcoming me. A swerve of appreciation sigh shoot up to my throat but also pushing in the burning pain of
my eyes because they can’t stop following every little movement of these aircraft without taking a rest.
“ It’s all because of you!”
“ Why do you disappoint me all the time?”
“ Stop it, we don’t need you!”
Repeated lines are shouted at me until there is no emotion left in me. I can differ self-hatred and uselessness at
first, but slowly, I start seeing my “happy” faces, they come and go, then, feelings come when they want and
leave immediately, finally, they become useless as well and is abandoned by its boss…It’s finally to the point,
where I become a ghost, dazed in my own utopia every moment, never seeing the reality, since, there ain’t no
reality. Just like a fully burnt cigarette, addictive but harmful, it was thrown to the ground, being stepped by
everyone, dragged by the wind, a used thing.
I am sure, dying would make me feel better…