eyes. He remembered their wedding day. The preacher so proud to be marrying his daughter to this man. You are a good man, he said. The best. Telling them to be good to each other, love her as Christ loved the church. Mia’ s angelic glow at the altar, just one month before he was to be deployed.“ Honey, you’ re right. I love you. I’ m sorry,” Gabe said. Mia smiled and kissed him lightly on the lips, then got out of bed to take a shower. Gabe stared at the sunlit sparkles on the ceiling. This house that smelled of Glade and Wal-Mart coat hangers. God smells sunshine fresh, apparently.
He was the intruder. The tall, dark, well-muscled fighting machine. He was not allowed to sit on the couch without a shirt on. His sweat was gritty, as if the desert was still flaking off of him, no matter how much he showered. He said‘ fuck’ more times in the past six months than he had in the past six years.
This would be his second deployment in their two years of marriage. They had lived together a total of eight months, and yet, on this last morning, his wife did not want him. Another dark glaze of pain settled on the stratified pains of before: bombs, death, and dusty children. He was being selfish. She did her duty. She did more than her duty. He had to stop wanting so much.
I did it, she had said. She did nothing but lie like a log in winter, with the merest of sighs when he came. When he asked if she came, she said yes.
***
Gabe carried his marriage around like an extra M16. He was different. Quieter. Someone noticed and referred him to the chaplain. Gabe declined, but realized he should man up. This was the best part of his life now. Every time he cleaned his gun, he was trying to forget that he really just wanted to fuck.