LIFE UNDER CO
“‘ My life has changed immensely since then , I have changed immensely since then . Deep down I knew these things were happening for me , not to me , and I had to work with these changes in order for me to live on purpose .”
Just over a year ago , at age 54 , I lost both my long-term job and my longterm relationship within two weeks of each other . Each of these things on their own would have been earthshattering but the fact that they happened so close together left me in pieces .
To find myself in that situation at 54 years old pressed all my buttons and left me broke , broken open , raw and fragile . I was without a home , without a job , without money .
I felt completely exposed and afraid . I felt as if my pain and heartache were on show for all to see , like there was a sign on my forehead that said ‘ Under Construction ’.
I felt like a total failure at life and alongside that , sat shame . I must have shed a million tears and I was in so much pain I couldn ’ t actually think of anything to say to people so I just crawled into a hole within myself and hid from the world .
I am very lucky in that I had an inner circle of gorgeous people who opened their arms , hearts and homes to me , giving me a place to sleep , food , hugs and love . I am very aware that there are many others who don ’ t have that – even more aware now than ever . My beautiful children , friends and even a few people I didn ’ t know very well at the time loved , supported and helped me put myself back together again .
Given the extent of my fragility and my commitment to rebuilding myself authentically , it is no surprise that there were a people I also chose not to be around . I was no longer willing to be around anybody who didn ’ t value or respect themselves … or me . I was totally rebuilding myself and anybody who wasn ’ t part of that process constructively just didn ’ t belong . I felt unsafe around those people and became very protective of my energy and how much of it I gave them .
It took a few months but I finally got another job which made me join the real
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