hiya bucks in Bourne End, Flackwell Heath, Marlow, Wycombe, Wooburn November 2016 | Page 46

Confessions of a Cat Sitter Chris Pascoe is the author of A Cat Called Birmingham & You Can Take the Cat Out of Slough, and a columnist for various UK & international magazines. He’s also a cat sitter… It’s not often I turn up on a cat sitting visit to find the cat I’m looking after involved in a full blown argument with a tradesman, but it happened today. I suppose, with the amount of cats I visit, every scenario will occur eventually, however improbable. It’s like the infinite cats on typewriters theory – if you sit an infinite number of cats at typewriters, they will eventually, by sheer chance, write the entire works of Shakespeare. Oh no – that’s monkeys, isn’t it! Cats would more likely come up with something more like The Fascist Manifesto. Given their aloof and dictatorial mindsets, this wouldn’t be beyond the realms of possibility at all. Anyway, back to the big argument. Do you remember Smithy and Charlie? They were the two cats I managed to re-house back in February. They’ve since settled fantastically into their great big house, with a giant garden, miles from any main roads. But today, Smithy was in a spot of bother. I’d been alerted that my customer was having some work done on the house in her absence, so I wasn’t surprised to see the big white van in the drive. I was surprised though, upon opening the front door, to find Smithy and a man with a paintbrush facing off against one another. ‘Ah, you must be the catsitter’ said the builder (I’m sure you knew it was the builder who said this, and not Smithy. You knew this because you’re well aware Cat Comforts Cat Sitting Services Flexible, friendly & professional service We visit your cats in their home while you’re away. Fully insured and recommended. Tel: [phone] Mobile: [phone] Email: [email protected] www.catcomforts.ukpet.com Smithy and I have met before). ‘Yes, first visit today, everything alright?’ I enquired. ‘No, he’s just given me a lot of work to do!’ he snarled pointing at Smithy,’ He walked through 2 meters of wet glossed surface, and then walked it all around the flipping kitchen.’ With this Smithy looked directly at me and meowed loudly and repeatedly. He was having none of it. ‘Yes you did, you little maggot’ said the builder. ‘MEOW’ shouted Smithy, before walking over to me and brushing around my legs. He knew who’s side I was on. This had to be about the most bizarre conversation I’d ever walked in on. A quick inspection of the kitchen work surfaces did indeed seem to confirm that a cat had been attempting to cover them in as much paint as felinely possible. A quick inspection of Smithy’s paws however, suggested the cat was not he. The builder begrudgingly apologised to Smithy. I liked this builder. I have never seen anybody treat a cat more like a human than this man. At first I thought that he must surely be a true animal-equalitarian, but then I decided he was probably just unhinged. A little while later, as I was leaving, Smithy’s brother Charlie walked up to me in the yard. I looked at his paws. It took me over an hour to remove the evidence. 46 To advertise in Hiya Bucks text or call 07947 349134