YOUR HEALTH with Dr . Thakkar
BEWARE OF THE NARCISSIST
YOUR HEALTH with Dr . Thakkar
BEWARE OF THE NARCISSIST
For the uninitiated , narcissism perhaps describes someone who enjoys attention . In fact , narcissism is a personality disorder that can cause a wide range of behaviours that may be damaging both to that person and to those around them . To those in a relationship with a “ narc ”, the reality can often be a nightmare .
Narcissism can make people believe their own feelings , opinions and interests are more important than those of others . They may be prone to exaggeration or lying , bouts of rage and have difficulty empathising with others . Whilst there is no cure as such , counselling and therapy can be forms of treatment . However , this disorder can be enormously damaging to others – particularly a partner .
The traits of a narc are often hidden at first – they may be charming and disarming , feeding the egos of others . As such , they can hold court and captivate an audience , which of course feeds their own need for attention . Emotional fuel is what narcissists require , good or bad . Whilst on the exterior , narcs appear to have an abundance of confidence , deep down they are often hugely insecure .
Their charm can be designed to hook you in , to make you dependent on them for love and self-worth . In such cases , that stage of the relationship may be characterised by huge amounts of attention , gifts , intensity and passion . Later , a devaluing stage may insidiously start , which unfortunately can lead to emotional suffering .
Damaging behaviour can take many forms – narcs can act nice at one moment and unpleasant another , which can make you question your own mental health . They may lie , behave badly and blame you for it , or chip away at your self-esteem with unpleasant comments and actions .
Perhaps a partner may believe they have caused these problems and try to please their narc . Sometimes things can improve in the short term , only to worsen again - often the result of deliberately confusing actions on the part of the narc , a behaviour known as “ gaslighting ”.
Another behaviour is to “ hoover ” – to offer their partner hope and attention to encourage them to continue to fuel them emotionally . It is not uncommon for narcs to accuse you of displaying their very own behaviours – being manipulative , for example .
Anyone living with narcissistic personality disorder should seek help themselves – to connect more healthily with others and to prevent some of these behaviours . If you are a partner to such a person please read about it , get help and don ’ t give them the emotional fuel to do damage – either to themselves , or to you .
• Freephone 24-hour UK National Domestic Violence Helpline : 0808 2000 247 or www . nationaldomesticviolencehelpline . org . uk
• Refuge – 0800 2000 247 or www . refuge . org . uk ; www . womensaid . org . uk
• If you are worried about your behaviour toward others information on personality disorders such as narcissism is available at www . nhs . uk and www . mind . org . uk
Dr . Thakkar is a Buckinghamshire based GP
Chiltern Clinical Commissioning Group
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