hiya bucks in Bourne End, Flackwell Heath, Marlow, Wycombe, Wooburn March 2014 | Page 32

Confessions of a Cat Sitter Chris Pascoe is the author of A Cat Called Birmingham & You Can Take the Cat Out of Slough, and a columnist for various UK & international magazines. He’s also a cat sitter… I’ve just taken on a pair of new cat clients, named Stan & Ollie. Now, with names like those you’d take a guess on them being a bit of a double act, wouldn’t you? And in fact, there was indeed comedy and it did involve a double act. Unfortunately the double act proved to be me and Stan. In all truth, I’m not at all sure how my relationship with Stanley survived its first day. It was just one of those days where everything went wrong...and it mainly went wrong for Stan. The action began as I prepared the duo’s breakfast. Their food bowls are kept on a wooden tray, and I’d placed the tray on the kitchen work-surface to dish up Purina biccies and change the water. With the job complete, I pulled the tray towards me – just as Stan decided he’d jump up to the work-surface and find out what was taking me so long. He hit the bottom of that tray like a tabby-torpedo. One moment everything had been serene, the next all hell broke loose. Stan bounced backwards off the tray, returning to the ground with a backside-first thump, only to be hit by a Purina hailstorm and a pint of cold water. He took it very well – cutting my ankle in three places and ripping my sock. It was a Garfield sock as well. For the next minute or two he was a wildcat, ears back, soaked fur bristling, growling and stalking. I decided to leave him be and headed for the first-aid box. As I left the room, I noticed Ollie watching us. He had a kind of resigned look on his face, as if this was the sort of thing he saw happen to Stan every day. Five minutes later Stan was as right as rain, and I was refilling bowls. He jumped 32 up onto the work-surface (without incident) and brushed his face against my arm as I placed a waterbowl under the tap. I smiled – all was well again. I’m not quite sure, and never will be sure, why I turned a tap on full blast into a tiny round metal bowl.The resulting 100 mile per hour splashback hit Stan full on - for a moment I actually lost sight of his face in a huge deluge of white water, and then he was gone...flying back to the floor absolutely drenched from ear to tail. He was livid. Absolutely spitting feathers...and socks. Ollie stared silently as I headed out for further first-aid treatment.There was something in that look that I half recognised but I couldn’t think why. A little while later, as a still soaked Stan sat purring on my lap and ensuring everybody I met in the next half hour assumed I’d wet myself, I remembered where I’d seen that look (Ollie’s look, not the wet-stain-trouser-look). It was the very same look that the original Ollie used to give Stan when Stan messed up in countless old black & white movies. The exact slightly irritated, slightly impatient but mainly resigned glare of Oliver Hardy. Thinking back now, and piecing together Ollie’s look and Stan’s chaotic comedy kitchen capers, I wonder whether I’ve been looking after just any old Stan & Ollie, or whether I’ve been looking after the real thing. Laurel & Hardy, reincarnated...as two tabby cats! We certainly get to meet the stars, we cat sitters! Cat Comforts Cat Sitting Services Flexible, friendly & professional service We visit your cats in their home while you’re away. Fully insured and recommended. Tel: [phone] Mobile: [phone] Email: [email protected] www.catcomforts.ukpet.com To advertise in Hiya Bucks text or call 07947 349134