Confessions of a Cat Sitter
Chris Pascoe is the author of A Cat Called Birmingham & You Can Take the Cat
Out of Slough, and a columnist for various UK & international magazines.
He’s also a cat sitter…
Cat Comforts
I tarred and feathered myself this week.
Well, more or less, anyway. It was certainly along
those lines. This wasn’t a result of any belligerent
outrage at my own antics, the usual reason for
this type of barbaric punishment, but simply
because my antics were incredibly stupid.
I’ve been looking after a lovely but slightly violent
Bengal named Natti Jones. I’ve mentioned Natti
in my articles once before, due to a sudden flying
attack from behind by this formidable 5.5 kg bag
of sheer muscle sending me sprawling hands first
into a litter tray. A very pleasant experience, I can
tell you.
On this occasion, Natti and her malicious streak
played no part at all in my downfall. In fact she
was having great fun at the time, and not at my
expense, because as well as looking after her, my
duties included the daily topping up of a fishpond
which had a very slow leak, and anyone who
knows Bengals will know how they love water!
An unusual thing for a cat to love, I know, but
it’s apparently in their genes; their close relative
being the Asian Leopard Cat, a wild breed
known for splashing around in shallow streams
hunting for fish. So, as I filled the pond, using my
thumb to create a fine spray,. Natti Jones danced
happily around, jumping at individual drops and
attempting to catch
them in her paws. I think it was the wonderful
sight of this incredibly beautiful cat having so
much fun that caused me to momentarily move
my thumb much too far over the hose’s nozzle.
The effect of this error was
instant and dramatic – a huge
backwards spurt of freezing cold
water hit me full blast in the face,
causing me to make matters
even worse by then turning the
hose onto my own shirt and
trousers. Within a few short
seconds, I’d completely drenched
myself. Natti jumped happily into
the stream of the dropped hose,
30
Cat Sitting Services
Flexible, friendly & professional service
We visit your cats in their
home while you’re away.
Fully insured and recommended.
T el: 01494 639486
Mobile: 07782 632814
Email: [email protected]
www.catcomforts.ukpet.com
totally oblivious to my situation.
Dripping wet, I decided the pond had received
quite enough water for one day, and my best bet
would be to quickly fulfill my last outdoor task
and get back into the house. This task was the
filling of a large pole-top-bird-feeder. Hoisting
a bag of birdseeds above my head, I managed
to completely miss the feeder, and so poured 3
kgs of seeds straight over my head. The tarring
and feathering was complete - every inch of my
face and upper body plastered in seeds. Wiping
my eyes to enable at least a degree of vision, I
staggered back toward the house, Natti skipping
along beside me, apparently delighted.
Why oh why couldn’t I have reached the back
door without being spotted. A neighbour’s face
appeared at an upstairs window, instantly twisted
into an expression of bewildered shock at the
barely human apparition staring back at her, and
quickly vanished from view.
I’m not at all sure what she thought she saw
that day. The Creature from
the Black Lagoon (or Fish
Pond) maybe? Pond Thing?
Whatever she thought, I have
a feeling I may be the stuff of
stormy-night-fireside stories for
generations to come.
Amazing what can be achieved,
given the right levels of utter
incompetence…
To advertise in Hiya Bucks text or call 07947 349134