Confessions of a Cat Sitter
Chris Pascoe is the author of A Cat Called Birmingham & You Can Take the Cat Out of Slough , and a columnist for various UK & international magazines . He ’ s also a cat sitter …
As you know , I meet some truly amazing cats . Sometimes though , I meet clients who are even more amazing than their cats .
Having received a very short-notice booking from a young local couple , I went straight to their house to fill in my checklist on their cat ’ s preferences .
I was greeted at the door by Ben , a 6 ’ 7 ” giant with long black hair and beard , and wearing some of the most outlandish clothes I ’ ve ever seen ( just setting the scene ). He seemed so totally laid back , I thought he might fall over . Standing beside him was a beautiful tabby cat who blinked happily at me and accompanied us into the lounge . What followed was probably one of the most ridiculously remarkable conversations I ’ ve ever had the pleasure of being involved in .
I dropped to one knee to greet my newest feline friend .
Me : Hello ( in my slightly high-pitched cat voice ), your beautiful aren ’ t you , what ’ s your name ?
This is usually the cue for a client to tell me the cat ’ s name , but Ben remained totally silent .
Me : What ’ s her name ? Ben : Com Fear , I think , but I ’ m not sure . Me : ( Not sure ??)… How do you spell that ? Ben : I don ’ t know , she ’ s German .
At this point , I was beginning to wonder what Ben was on . Then suddenly , staring me straight in the face he shouted ‘ CAROL !!!’ at around 80 decibels . I jumped out of my skin and dropped my clipboard . I was really hoping there was someone called Carol living in the house , because otherwise I was in trouble . Com Fear seemed unfazed by all the noise and rainingclipboards , as she immediately began purring loudly .
Me : Ok , I ’ ll just run through my checklist . How old is Com Fear ?
Ben : Um ...
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CAROL !! I don ’ t know . I don ’ t think she ever told me ( I assumed he meant it was Carol who ’ d withheld this information , but this was by no means certain based on the conversation so far ).
Me : Is she registered at any vets ? Ben : Yes , the one there .
He was waving through the window at a local newsagents . I decided to wait for Carol .
( Enter Carol , who had an American accent . We say hello , and she spells Comfer for me .)
Me : And how old is Comfer ?
Carol : About ten ? But I ’ ve only had her two years . I bought her back to the UK .
Me : Ah right , she ’ s from Germany isn ’ t she ? Ben : Yeah she is Carol : Who is ? Me ? Me : Um no ... Comfer ?
Carol : No , It ’ s me that ’ s from Germany . Did he tell you Comfer ’ s from Germany ?
Me ( weakly ): I ’ m not sure . ( I really wasn ’ t . I had no idea about anything any more ).
Carol : She ’ s from Spain Ben : Oh yeah , Cambodia
To prevent reader ’ s falling over due to spinning heads , I won ’ t carry on but this went on in much the same way for an hour . I can ’ t wait to visit my new German Spanish Cambodian friend though . I find cats so much simpler to understand when they ’ re on their own !
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