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Confessions of a Cat Sitter
Chris Pascoe is the author of A Cat Called Birmingham & You Can Take the Cat Out of Slough , and a columnist for various UK & international magazines .
He ’ s also a cat sitter …
I know a cat named Willow who has the largest , most cat-perfect home imaginable … for Willow , a small black cat with ambitions well above what would normally be expected of your average feline , has taken over an entire Garden Superstore .
Willow first wandered into her local branch of Notcutts 9 years ago , and immediately headed for the centre ’ s in-house kitchen store . It seems that Willow recognised a kitchen as a place where cats should naturally be fed , and as there were many kitchens all in one place here , she should therefore be fed many times . Had she accidentally stumbled into paradise ?
Whilst being slightly surprised to find a small cat in their workplace , staring intently at them impatiently demanding her dinner , the staff members did exactly as Willow ordered and rushed off to the Pet Department to purchase cat food . Of course they did – cats shout , we jump , it ’ s the natural order of things . Nine years later , Willow still doesn ’ t appear to be making plans to leave . She ’ s gradually extended her empire and now commands 20-plus staff members in 7000 square feet of retail space . She also has a choice of 8 kitchens , 30 comfy chairs to settle down in , hundreds of metres of shelving to patrol , a massive garden complete with ornamental pools , teeming fish ponds , and her very own bird & small rodent display centre .
Over the years , Willow has not only charmed the staff into accepting her , she ’ s also become something of a tourist attraction . Customers often visit the store just to see Willow and give her a stroke . I know , because
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Email : catcomforts @ ntlworld . com www . catcomforts . ukpet . com to leave without buying anything , so Willow ’ s effect on footfall also ups sales – so much so that when one particular manager a few years ago suggested Willow should ( say this in whispered tones ) maybe ... leave , he received word from above that HE was very welcome to leave if he so wished , but Willow would be going nowhere !
Willow tends to let her staff deal with customer service , which is just as well , because when she did attempt to participate , things went rather awry . When a customer approached a staff member one day , asking where she could find the pet department , Willow decided to escort the pair , her being the expert on such matters . As the swiftly-moving threesome paced urgently through the store , they approached a garden bench which halved the available walking space . No matter , thought Willow , and paced straight under its length , emerging the other end in perfect step with her companions . The problem was that she ’ d picked up quite a few bits and pieces along the way . The customer was the first to notice . As she glanced down at Willow , she stopped dead in her tracks and performed a stunned double-take – Willow ’ s entire face was so covered in cobwebs and dust that only her eyes and ears were visible from inside what appeared to be a full-face batman mask . Or in this case , Spiderman , possibly .
The nice thing about the feline star of this month ’ s column is that it ’ s very easy to meet the wonderful Willow in person . If you ever visit Notcutts in Booker , near High Wycombe , she ’ ll be there to greet you . Being indispensable , she won ’ t be leaving anytime soon …
The World ’ s Daftest Rabbit and Other Stories ’, a collection of Chris Pascoe ’ s My Weekly columns , is available now from DC Thomson . https :// www . dcthomsonshop . co . uk / our-brands / dct-book-titles / the-world-s-daftest-rabbit-other-stories-book . html