Confessions of a Cat Sitter
Chris Pascoe is the author of A Cat Called Birmingham & You Can Take the
Cat Out of Slough, and a columnist for various UK & international magazines.
He’s also a cat sitter…
Working in the ‘cat’ industry, I’m
particularly susceptible to every piece of
feline orientated advertising that comes my
way, and every new labour-saving product
instantly commands my entire attention.
A new breakthrough in the ongoing fight against
litter-tray odours, for instance, will unfailingly cause
me to whoop with joy. How many people whoop
at cat litter? With joy? I sometimes I wonder about
me.
Cat litter is something I’ve become quite an expert
on, in fact. It would be great if there was something
a little more interesting, and a lot less unpleasant, to
be an expert on, but unfortunately cat litter would
be my Mastermind subject. I could talk to you for
hours about
the wonders
of virtually
odourless
ultra-clumping
brands, and
complain
bitterly about
the problems
scooping
woodchip litter. Why on earth woodchip makers
advise you to use a scoop in the first place, when
all the powdery ‘used’ litter slips easily through the
slats and back into the tray, leaving you with only a
handful of the good stuff for disposal, I’ve no idea
at all. A tip here if you use woodchip litter – instead
of scooping normally, use the scoop to lightly brush
the litter continually in one direction for around 30
seconds. Miraculously, all the powder will end up
one end of your tray, and the fresh litter the other!
See, I told you I get excited about cat litter.
I also particularly enjoy cat food marketing. One
brand for instance describes their product as ‘as
good as it looks.’ It’s cat food. It looks disgusting.
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Most cat food does anyway. Fortunately, it appears
to be considerably better than it looks, because
most cats seem to love it, which brings me on to
a rival brand’s claim - ‘8 out of 10 cats prefer it’.
This slogan was later amended to ‘8 out of 10 cats
(whose owners expressed a preference) prefer it.
Well, if their owner expressed a preference, that’s
what their giving them isn’t it? If it’s your average
male tabby we’re talking about, he’ll hoover up
anything you put in front of him, so I’m still not sure
how they know who actually prefers what. Again,
a much loved cat food though, so many of them
must do!
On the subject of male tabby food disposal units,
I recently took on a new client named Buster
McCormack. Buster is built to last, with a strong
leonine face, muscular shoulders and giant paws.
Even his name sounds ‘hard’. He will glare at you as
you walk in, a truly intimidating figure.
Until he speaks. Buster McCormack has a miaow
like a baby guinea pig crying. And, after greeting you
with this stunningly un-intimidating noise, he’ll then
bound towards you like he’s auditioning for My
Little Pony.
We make a fine pair he and I. A hard nut cat who
sounds like Minnie Mouse on helium, and a man
who so loves cat litter he whoops.
Move over Stallone and Schwarzenegger.
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