His Heart Scribe Inspirations Devotional Magazine January 2015 January 2015 | Page 16

His Heart Scribe Inspirations

(Continued from page 10)

Don’t talk. Listen. Don’t be tempted to jump into the conversation and start
talking, says Peter Economou, an assistant professor of counseling psychology
at Felician College in New Jersey. “The best way to respond is to be open and
listen ,” he says. “ It's just that simple in the beginning. Provide the opportuni-

ty for them to be heard, and provide support through open body language and
nonjudgmental and loving eye contact.”
Don’t ask why. Show support. As your friend begins to open up, it’s important
you don’t ask why the attack happened, Economou says. When you ask “why,”
you’re pushing some blame onto the survivor, he says, and making it seem as
though he or she could have prevented the attack. “This is such a simple word
that most folks think means they are showing that they're listening,” he says.
“Rather, it is a three-letter word that is full of judgment. The bottom line is

that victims who can feel love and support are more likely to endure and overcome obstacles following the assault."
D ON’ T CALL THEM A VICTIM . C ALL THEM A SURVIVOR . Even though something awful happened, don’t call your friend a victim, says Garcia, who's now a spokeswoman
for the National Notary Association. “It makes it feel like we can or should
have done something to prevent the attack,” she says. “I prefer calling myself

a survivor because it makes me feel more empowered. Many sexual assaults are
about power and control, and calling myself a survivor rather than a victim
helps me take back as much of the power and control as possible.”
Don’t push for details. Let him or her open up. Even if your curiosity is piqued,
it’s important to let survivors share what they’re comfortable with at their own
rate and not force them to divulge what they aren't ready to, says Darcie Folsom, director of sexual violence prevention and advocacy at Connecticut College. “It is not your responsibility to get all of the details, ” she says. “ Let

them share what they are comfortable disclosing to you, but understand that if
they do choose to report [the assault to authorities], they will have to articulate the details several times.”
Don’t act shocked. Act concerned. Your initial reaction can sway how your
friend or loved one responds to the situation – especially if you’re the first
person they tell, Folsom says. “If your initial response is of shock or disbelief,

16