“Trust Me; I need you to trust me.” These are the words I hear echoing through my entire being. “I do Lord.” My words are barely a whisper. It is easy to trust in life when things are lining up in my favor; when there is no doubt, no fear and I am tucked in snugly in my comfort zone. But what happens when I feel the tug for me to come out of the warmth of my blanketed comfort zone? I have told the Lord on many occasions I will go where He will send me, do as He would have me to do and be all He has called me to be, and yet here I am with the heels of my feet planted in my own little box and the unknown calling me to step out. Trying to figure out where I belong in the new has me spinning on all axes. Honestly, truth be told, I have been trying to find my place as a single woman since my last child left the nest four years ago, a season which has been difficult for me. When I look in the mirror all I see is a mom. I no longer know the woman beyond that description which in turn makes the new, a place of uncharted ground, unsettling for me.
There is no doubt I believe my Jesus has the best in store for me, I also know He knows I do not do change very well. Well certain changes are not my best suit, where as some are right up my alley so to speak. I have to learn to grasp change from a positive view point rather than rebellious fearful one; a lesson I have not yet mastered. The upside to change, He never leaves me unprepared. 2017 He spoke to me of change and shift. He had been giving me time to digest and make ready for the new He is bringing into my life. So why do I hesitate? Why am I fearful when I know He is my anchor? My hesitation and fear come from the things I do not want to lose in the new. And that’s OK. He already knew how my flesh would react and the tears my heart would cry and just as any parent, He began preparing me in His faithful loving way, and continues to do so though my feet may fail.
It is pure excitement when new things are added to my life without the removal of those things I hold tightly to. However there are seasons in life we must be willingly to let go of the comfort, things we are familiar with to gain the beauty of what has been laid up for us. The new could mean almost anything and I find I am frustrated with allowing myself to be fearful of the new and the possibility of distance with those I love. And once again these emotions I feel are OK. It’s what I do with the new that matters. New beginnings can be beautiful, refreshing and amazing if allowed. The new can bring a joy and a growth that cannot be measured. But I have to step out and do so with complete trust in the new. No balking, just walking. Letting go of a season where I find great comfort is never easy, but remaining in a stagnant one will cause my life to become complacent and non-productive. So to work through my emotions, I go to the place I know will encourage me….. I go to His word.
The book of Esther is one of my favorites. A young, beautiful, Jewish girl living in the Persian Empire, who lost her parents at a tender age, was in the care of her kinsman, Mordecai. I do not believe he ever once entertained the notion the child he took as his own would come to live in the palace of Shushan as queen. Nor save their people. This new was not one they ever saw coming. Esther's story is one of great faith and redemption. Her trust in God was greater than the circumstances that surrounded her. She trusted the new the Lord brought her to. There are seasons we find ourselves in not quite knowing how it is we came to such a place.