I began praying, “God please help me to love
like you love.”
I
recently carried 3 Bible verses, jotted mess-
ily in blue ink, in my sweater pocket. Then
I laid them next to my computer while I
worked, for easy reference. I struggle with
resentment. It is an evil little thing, with
such a broad influence on my day. I can’t
enjoy the Lord the way I usually do, or be
fully there for my husband and kids, when
I’m so distracted by this weight of angry
thoughts. What is resentment? Well, maybe
it’s pain gone sour. In a family of imperfect
people, we hurt each other. But sometimes,
I don’t work through the lingering ache
the way I should. I let it soak deep into my
heart and mind. It trickles into cracks of
unmet needs and broken hopes. Like a leaky
faucet, each time I replay the hurtful actions
in my mind, there’s a drip drip drip, gradu-
ally eroding a hole into my innermost parts.
I want to stop thinking about it. But it just
keeps coming back, intensifying the level of
hurt until I can hardly stand being around
the person anymore. A part of me is sick of
the sullenness that accompanies resentment,
and longs for it to go away. But then again,
the person seems unwilling to change, and
I’m so worn out of feeling the same unmet
need, the same slight, over and over again,
that I delight (just a little bit) in the barrage
of disparaging words that I imagine myself
saying to their face. Therein lies one of the
difficulties of fighting resentment. It’s hard
to feel motivated to dig in and intention-
ally war against it. Now, of course there are
times when we can calmly discuss issues
with those closest to us and everything can
be resolved. But what about those hurts
that we have gone over time and time again
and there is still no resolution? Maybe it’s
pleading with our husband for more help
with the kids, discussions about finances,
appeals for more romance in the marriage,
or even bearing the reproach of a child who
is going through rebellion. Over the years,
these disappointments seem to inflate, with
every new offense releasing more hot air
into an ever-expanding balloon. In a fam-
ily with each of us struggling with our own
selfishness and sin, there is usually someone
around who is letting us down. And if we’re
honest, our own brokenness is causing its
own share of damage as well.
Nevertheless, there I was, miserable.
Hurting and rehashing someone else’s
failures over and over again in my mind.
Finally, after wearing myself down with the
weight of resentment for days, I came to the
point of being serious about fighting against
it. I began praying, “God please help me to
love like you love.” I changed my prayers for
the other person, making them more about
their relationship with God being strength-
ened, instead of their behavior changing to
better meet my needs. And because loving
well doesn’t come naturally to me, I put
these verses in my pocket as a lifeline when
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