by Lorna Gordon

Losing someone you love is never easy, but the loss of a child at a young age is a heartbreak every parent fears. Amy Elsegood was a quiet girl, she came across as introverted until she stepped on a stage and let her passion for dance transform her into a vibrant young woman who would capture your attention. For her mother, Raewyn Elsegood, a chaplain used to supporting others in their darkest moments, Amy’ s passing would become both a heartbreak and a source of wisdom.

Amy grew up in the Hills in a home that was anything but ordinary. With a mother working in pastoral care, often helping

After the loss of her daughter, Amy, Raewyn wrote a book about the lessons, or gifts, that Amy gave her while she was sick in the hopes it will help others with their grief.

people in crisis, Amy was exposed early to the complexities of life. Compassion, empathy, and resilience were not just values spoken about, her family lived and practised them daily. In many ways, Amy absorbed these qualities deeply, even if she expressed them quietly.

“ She was introverted,” Raewyn recalls.“ But on stage, she came alive. You’ d almost wonder,‘ Who is that person?’ She could step into character so naturally. She might not remember her maths, but she remembered every dance step.”

Her journey, however, was not without challenges. Between the ages of eight and eleven, Amy experienced severe separation anxiety. When her mother was out of her sight, it felt as though she no longer existed. Worried for her daughter, Raewyn asked a psychologist for help and Amy learned to deal with worry and anxiety in a way that would be of great benefit as she grew up.

By the time Amy reached her late teens, she had grown into a determined young woman, ready to carve out her independence. She dreamed of dancing professionally in New York, but covid meant that would have to be on hold until lockdowns were over and instead Amy began training intensively in Sydney. She moved out of home, danced six days a week, and immersed herself in the life she had long imagined.

She lived her dream of dancing for nine weeks, then everything changed. Amy began to notice small bruises which grew larger without explanation. Assuming

they were part of the physical demands of dance, she pushed through. But when she fainted during a blood test due to critically low blood levels, the seriousness of the situation became undeniable.

A rushed trip to hospital followed. Initial hopes pointed to a treatable condition. But over the following weeks, tests revealed a far more serious diagnosis: severe aplastic anaemia.

Even then, death was not part of the conversation. Amy approached her illness with the same determination she had always shown. From her hospital bed, she continued her dance studies, requesting extensions and completing assignments while she got treatment for her illness.

“ She never believed it would take her life,” Raewyn says.“ None of us did.”

Amy’ s strength during those months was remarkable. Drawing on the tools she had learned in therapy as a child, she faced her diagnosis with clarity and intention. She set boundaries, advocated for herself, and even guided her mother through the emotional landscape.

“ She would say,‘ Worry is a waste of time,’” Raewyn remembers.“ She was living everything she had learned.”

Hospital life became a world of its own. Amy was moved to different wards as her immunity fluctuated, having to spend time in isolation then being well enough to be back on a ward. Through it all she remained grounded, even practical. She insisted that when her mother visited, it should be with a hot meal and an activity they could do together instead of her reason to be there

to sit and watching her suffer.

“ She wanted to control what she could,” Raewyn explains.“ She knew this was her journey.”

There were moments of hope. A bone marrow transplant was arranged, and remarkably, Amy’ s body responded well. She didn’ t even lose her hair during chemotherapy and by late June, just before her birthday, she was well enough to return home. What followed were eight precious weeks.

“ It was gold,” Raewyn says.“ Our whole family was together.”

During that time, Amy found moments of normalcy. She taught a dance class over Zoom from the family living room a space where she could enjoy simply being a dancer again. The students she taught didn’ t know her situation and she felt like her old self again.

But the reprieve was short-lived. The CMV virus attacked her immune system, again this is a virus that can be treated quite easily; however, Amy had a particularly aggressive form of it and the medicine could not keep up with the speed of its attack. Despite her doctor’ s efforts, it spread rapidly, and within weeks Amy was back in hospital with her condition deteriorating.

Even then, she remained focused on those around her. During one particularly difficult day, she turned to her mother and said,“ Stop pacing. Worry is a waste of time.”

It was a moment that would stay with Raewyn forever the courage of her 19 year old daughter facing the unimaginable.