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He told his helper that sometimes he felt completely numb without warning . The helper explained that this might be because his body “ froze ” as it had when he was sexually assaulted . Together with the helper , Rodney learned a grounding exercise that generates energy , called ‘ Feeling the weight of your body ’ ( see Appendix 2 ). This exercise helps survivors who are numb to focus on the present . It activates muscles in the upper body and legs , which gives a feeling of physical strength . The helper explained that when Rodney was overwhelmed his muscles went from extreme tension to collapse ; they changed from a state of active defence ( combat and flight ) to submission and abnormal relaxation . When he was put in contact with his strength and could control his posture , he was able to master his emotions better .
The helper and Rodney used the “ window of tolerance ” metaphor to assess how well he managed to remain “ in his window ”. They discussed how he could distinguish past from present , and find his way back to the present when he was triggered .
The helper asked Rodney what triggered numbness the first time , and what triggered it today . Rodney recalled that he caught his breath and stiffened when he saw several men standing in a group on the street . They agreed this was likely to be a trigger and that Rodney would keep a packet of strong sweets in his pocket and eat one whenever he felt triggered , paying attention to its smell and taste .
Rodney admitted to the helper that , when bad memories surged up , he felt an urge to drink or cut himself . He felt so much shame and internal pain that he needed an outlet for these feelings . The helper suggested alternative activities that could replace self-harming and self-shaming , and that exhausted him sufficiently to let him sleep rather than think and ponder . She asked how he handled his inner pain in Uganda . Rodney replied that he held his grandmother ’ s prayer beads , which he associated with security , and thought of the nice things his grandmother used to say . She said “ I love you no matter what .”
HELP AND ACTION
When Rodney and the helper became better acquainted , the helper invited him to join a support group . Rodney found it easier to talk to other LGBTQ + people who have similar experiences of abuse . The group created a kind of community for him , and he realised he was not alone with his experiences and unpleasant thoughts . Through these conversations , Rodney became aware of strengths within himself .
At the same time the group ’ s support strengthened him from the outside . They recognised that being exposed to sexual violence had changed their perception of the world and themselves and had ruptured links to family , friends , love , and society . Rodney realised that this might be why he had problems with closeness and trusting people .
He discussed this in the support group and obtained a more positive view of himself . He was positively surprised that he could be a support for others .
He understood that , though he had been abused , he could find strength in himself and his surroundings , build his resilience , and develop coping strategies . He used this inner strength to adapt to his new life . With the tools he had learned and the support of his new friends , who accepted him for who he was , he came to believe he could overcome his challenges .