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Ali talked to her first about missing his father . Eventually , he talked about his guilt about his mother and his anxiety to know how she and his siblings were . They decided to write a letter to his mother , to tell her that Ali was safe . Writing the letter made Ali feel less helpless . He felt he could have some influence . He had begun to trust the helper , who learned the story of his abuse when Ali explained to his mother why he had left home .
After they had talked about what happened to him , Ali told the helper that he became nervous when someone came too close to him because it triggered bad memories . He would walk away . In the classroom , he said he often had restless legs and had difficulty sitting still . At other times he stared out of the window without being able to pay attention to what the teachers said . To help him manage his agitation and dissociation , the helper taught him some grounding exercises . She explained that other boys in his situation reacted the same way and that these responses to very painful experiences were normal .
The helper showed Ali the Grounding the Body exercise ( See Appendix 1 ). He pushed himself back in his chair and reminded himself that he was in the present and not in danger . They also explored the window of tolerance , which helped Ali understand the difference between being under- and over-activated . Slowly but surely , he became better acquainted with his reactions and began to understand why he reacted so strongly .
When the helper learned that Ali used to play football , she arranged for him to participate in football training with some of the other boys at the centre and gradually he began to settle into the social community . The reception centre also possessed exercise equipment and he started weight training , coached by members of the staff . Through these physical activities , Ali became more confident of his body . He felt he was “ taking his body back ”, re-owning it . Since the abuse , he had not felt that his body was his ; he felt his body had been taken from him and he felt no pride or joy , or clarity about his boundaries . He recovered the physical memory of being strong and resilient that he had before . As he gradually regained his skills and learned to control his reactions , he began to concentrate better at school . His taste for education and hope in the future revived , which motivated him further .
HELP AND ACTION
Nevertheless , he sometimes had difficult periods . He alternated between feeling anger towards the stepfather and blaming himself for being too trusting . He needed advice from the helper about what he was and was not responsible for , and how to distinguish between people who wished him well and people he needed to guard against . After talking to the helper , Ali agreed what information would be passed to the housing association to which he was to be transferred , so that staff there could understand his situation and be helpful as he worked out who he could trust .
Ali gradually became more and more concerned about what his father and mother wanted for him . This motivated him to make a success of his schooling and integrate well into his community .