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3.4 What matters when working with a survivor
Aim . To discuss ways of communicating that build trust and create space for sharing and learning .
HELP AND ACTION
Male survivors of gender-based violence can often be more hesitant than female survivors to talk about their experiences . One reason for this is the prevailing stereotype that portrays men as strong . This can inhibit conversations about sexual humiliation . Men often feel fear , embarrassment , or shame and may not be willing to discuss these feelings with a helper .
“ When a boy or man says that he has been abused , the helper ’ s immediate response is important : it touches the survivor ’ s security , and his willingness to share fears about his psychological well-being . A positive and supportive response will reassure the survivor .”
When a boy or man says that he has been abused , the helper ’ s immediate response is important : it touches the survivor ’ s security , and his willingness to share fears about his psychological well-being . A positive and supportive response will reassure the survivor .
Male survivors should be allowed to decide if they want to talk to a female or male helper . When this matter has been decided :
• Assure the survivor that it is safe to open up . Confirm that the conversation will be confidential .
• Speak in terms that are accessible ( taking account of the survivor ’ s age , education , language competence , etc .). Consider the age difference between you and the survivor . If you are younger than he is , reassure him that you have experience .
• Listen . Many survivors feel that no one understands them and that they are not taken seriously . Make sure you give him your full attention .
• Take the time to explain the purpose of the meeting . If he is to relax and feel taken care of , it is important to explain why you want to talk to him and what you will discuss .
• Show respect . Explain that he has the right to share ( or not share ) his thoughts and opinions .
• Acknowledge his feelings . Say things like “ I believe you ”, or “ That sounds like a difficult thing to go through ”.
• The survivor may not always be able to put into words what he has experienced . Take account of his body language and non-verbal communication ( facial expressions , posture , sounds ).
• If an interpreter is present , tell the survivor that , if he prefers not to use the interpreter , he can choose other ways to communicate ( drawings , diagrams , telephone interpretation ).
• If the survivor is a minor , explain that you must balance the duty to respect confidentiality and the duty to provide information . Inform him that you may be obliged to disclose information about criminal acts .
• Do not ask for details of the abuse . If he chooses to share these details with you , listen in a supportive and non-judgmental way .
• Assure the survivor that he was not responsible for the abuse he experienced and that it is common to feel strong negative emotions after experiencing sexual violence .