8080
3.3.5 Talking about the trauma
For most male survivors of sexual violence and abuse , talking about what happened will be an important step on the road to recovery . However , survivors relate in different ways to their story ; and not all want to talk about it .
HELP AND ACTION
Many survivors are very afraid of their memories . They feel overwhelmed when they think about them ; they may feel deeply ashamed of what they have experienced . They therefore find it very difficult to put their story into words or tell their story at all . It is important to respect this , and not to press survivors to talk when they are not ready . Helpers may think that it will help survivors to “ get it off their chest ”, but this is not necessarily true . If survivors talk about traumatic events because they feel pressured to do so , without feeling safe , it can aggravate the symptoms of trauma and weaken their desire to obtain help . As we have noted , survivors do not need to talk about their trauma to get better , and they do not need to go into detail . All the tools in this manual for dealing with symptoms can be used even if the survivor does not recount the details of his story : learning about trauma responses , doing grounding exercises , practising sleep hygiene , and strengthening the survivor ’ s resources suffice .
Nevertheless , many survivors do have a strong desire and need to talk about what they have experienced . They have memories they may never have told anyone , which bother them daily , and would like help to put into words what has happened to them . Talking about trauma will be very painful and difficult for most people but will not be dangerous if the conversation takes place in a safe way and the survivor is taken care of . If a survivor wants to talk , he should be able to do so .