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Such perceptions of masculinity influence how most people tend to think about sexual abuse of men , and about those who are exposed to it . 54 Because it is believed that men should be able to protect themselves , many think that “ real men ” cannot be raped . If men are abused , it is seen as proof that they are weak . Heterosexual men who have been abused by other men are often perceived as gay . At the same time , many will downplay abuse against gay men and believe that they wanted the abuse they experienced . Sexual abuse of men by women will also often be downplayed , because typical masculine stereotypes claim that men cannot function sexually without being sexually aroused , or that heterosexual men always want sex with women .
“ Sometimes stereotypical masculine values stand in the way of healing . At the same time , address such perceptions with respect and curiosity . Make sure that the help you offer accommodates the survivor ’ s ( masculine ) values . Men who identify with a more traditional male image are likely to think that some of the most valuable therapeutic tools
- mindfulness exercises , grounding exercises , emotion-focused therapies - are “ feminine ” and will not suit them . As they manage such assumptions , helpers need to be both creative and flexible .”
KEY TO KNOW
These perceptions of masculinity , sexuality and abuse often add to the difficulties that abused men and boys struggle with . They may perceive themselves to be weak or “ insufficiently masculine ”, or be afraid that those who know them will perceive them to be feeble or effeminate . This can make it harder for them to talk about the abuse , express their emotions , and seek help . For others it can be important to “ prove ” their masculinity and strength , for example by excessive physical exercise , or aggressive behaviour . Many men have thoughts of revenge , of “ taking back ” their manhood . After they have been abused , many survivors also have doubts about their sexuality , or difficulties in having sex .
As a helper , it is important to understand how perceptions of masculinity can shape survivors ’ states of mind . It may be useful to talk to them about perceptions of what it means to be male , about sexuality , and about masculine values . “ Sometimes stereotypical masculine values stand in the way of healing . At the same time , address such perceptions with respect and curiosity . Make sure that the help you offer accommodates the survivor ’ s ( masculine ) values . Men who identify with a more traditional male image are likely to think that some of the most valuable therapeutic tools - mindfulness exercises , grounding exercises , emotion-focused therapies - are “ feminine ” and will not suit them . As they manage such assumptions , helpers need to be both creative and flexible .”