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2.6.5 Rodney , 26 years , Uganda . Reactions and symptoms .
KEY TO KNOW
Rodney is persecuted because of his sexual orientation . He had internal conflicts about being himself . He was rejected by his family because of his orientation and was deeply shocked when he saw a gay friend being murdered .
Rodney
His trauma reactions include :
• Intrusive memories .
• Guilt and shame .
• Depression .
• Anxiety and panic attacks .
• Problems with proximity .
• Distrust of others .
• Triggers .
• Self-harm .
• Numbness .
In his teens Rodney felt that he was different and left out . At times he dreaded going to school . He hid who he really was , before he even realised what made him different from other boys .
He was rejected by his family because of his sexual orientation , and forced by lack of resources to sell himself to foreign tourists , until he obtained a job with an NGO that worked clandestinely for LGBTI + rights . He lived a secret life , in danger of being attacked for his work .
He often thought of his gay friend who was murdered in front of him . Sometimes he had nightmares in which he was persecuted and killed for being gay . He woke up feeling a massive pressure in his chest , drenched in sweat .
After he was assaulted and beaten , Rodney had panic attacks more often . Sometimes they were so intense that his heartbeat became irregular , and he could not breathe properly .
After Rodney was resettled abroad , he still did not feel confident to come out . He was afraid he would not be allowed to stay , would be rejected , or despised . He had problems with intimacy after the abuses he endured as a sex worker . He had panic attacks and thought someone was after him to beat him up , although he was in a safe location . These reactions worsened when he heard someone speaking his own language : he was afraid he would be recognised and wondered if he was being persecuted , even though he knew rationally that this was unlikely .
In the living room at the reception , he found a flyer from a gay rights organisation and got in touch with a helper who worked with centre particularly vulnerable refugees , including LGBTQI + people .
At his asylum interview with the immigration service , he was still too anxious to say that he was gay . He did not know whether he could trust the authorities or the interpreter , who was also from Uganda . He was afraid for his friends in Uganda , for his own future , and sweated , became dizzy , and trembled .
Without any warning , Rodney could feel completely numb . He felt that he was unable to do anything ; the slightest action became a burden . This reaction reminded him of the beatings and sexual violence he experienced in his country . He blamed himself for not fighting his abusers off .