19 more peaceful part of the country , where nobody knew his background . He took the opportunity to contact his family and was told that they were safe for the moment .
It was only when Kumar was at last in a safe place , living in a small flat in a reception centre , that problems relating to his experiences in prison started to emerge . He felt first and foremost that he had lost all the strength in his body ; he felt powerless and numb , just like when he was in prison and had no control over his life . It was as if his humanity and dignity had been taken away from him . He experienced physical pain throughout his body all the time , similar to the pain he had felt when he was beaten and tortured . But what he now felt was worse : it was as if his “ soul ” had gone , as though he was not fully present , in his body or his soul , in his thoughts or his feelings . It was as if his head and his body had divided , each living a separate life . And sometimes he felt that he did not know what was happening around him . From time to time , he had “ flashbacks ” ( recurring strong memories from the past ). In these , memories of the psychological torture he had experienced were particularly stressful .
At first , he did not try to talk to anyone , and did not ask to see a doctor . But gradually his anger and unrest built up and others at the reception centre noticed his behaviour . It caused concern , not because people felt Kumar might hurt them , but because his behaviour seemed self-hating , almost self-destructive . He was evasive , rarely looked directly at people , and dismissed invitations to get help . Finally , he was forced to ask for medical help when severe pains in his rectum persisted . The doctor established good contact with him and for the first time Kumar said a little about what had happened to him . Kumar realised that he needed further help and follow-up . He told the health professionals to whom he was referred that he thought no one should experience what he had experienced . What hurt above all was the humiliation - not to be treated as a human being . He said he felt he was unworthy , dehumanised , destroyed as a man .
Kumar , Sri Lanka
REFLECTION QUESTION
Questions to reflect on
• If a survivor experience sexual assault on himself and also sees others being sexually assaulted , what effects might this have on him ?