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4.4.5 Identity and hope
Many children who have been sexually abused feel that they are destroyed . They feel that what has happened to them defines who they are and who they can be . Some children feel “ bad ”, “ ugly ”, “ unlovable ”; they feel they are undeserving of a good life . Children who have been abused are also likely to be afraid that they will transfer their trauma to their own children and become an abuser themselves . Others do not want to see themselves as a victim , refuse help and do not admit that they feel vulnerable . These children need adults who will accept them , and their pain , and are prepared to talk with them about sensitive issues . It is essential to recognise the pain and the hurt the child is feeling and to be available to the child . Allow and support the child to explore and understand what happened to it at its own pace .
Support positive self-image
Sexual abuse affects a child ’ s self-image and self-worth in serious ways . The invasive , humiliating , sometimes violent things that it experienced can colour a child ’ s self-image .
Recognise and highlight the child ’ s positive qualities . This will help the child to regain self-respect and provide a foundation for self-care .
HELP AND ACTION
Here are four examples of activities that can be helpful :
• Make a book about “ My power ”. Help the child to decorate the book and highlight strengths the child has , or powers the child needs or wants .
• Allow the child to fantasise about “ superpowers ” that help it to do amazing things in the world ( as a superhero , an animal , a sports star , etc .).
• Make a “ boast collage ”. Decorate a poster with images and objects , pictures , colours , stickers , activities , words – which the child finds positive .
• ‘ My superhero ’. Discuss the child ’ s superhero . What qualities does the superhero need ( strength , courage , endurance , etc .)? What superhero qualities would the child like to possess ?
Take into account the child ’ s age and emotional maturity .
4.4.6 Support hope for the future
Experience of sexual abuse affects a child ’ s attitude to its future . Many children who have been abused sexually find it difficult to look backwards or forwards . It is very important to help them recover hope for the future and to give them experiences that show life can be OK .
Here are some activities that you can do with the child :
• Imagine you are an adult . What does it feel like ? Who do you want to be ? What do you want to be doing ?
• Imagine writing a book about “ My Life ”. What experiences have you had that prepare you for the future ? What qualities do you have that will help you ? What qualities do you need to practise and develop to achieve what you want ?
• Role reversal ( see the exercise below ).
Note . With adolescents , this discussion can be more detailed . Invite them to imagine what they want to be doing in five years ’ time . What will you need to do to reach these outcomes ? Who can help you to achieve them ? What qualities do you have that will help you ?