• Do get educated on HG. Imagine the worst
flu you have ever had, and imagine having it for 9 months. I
am nauseous (actually every smell, taste, sight or even
though of food sends me into a puke fest). I can’t even
manage to keep water down. I begin to lose weight, become
dehydrated, I become malnourished, standing up means risking passing out, I lose my hair, become weak, can’t walk, can’t talk, I have to be on medication to try to pull me out of the constant sickness (which doesn’t work), I have to be poked and prodded by IVs, PICC lines, pumps, and other devices that are keeping me and baby alive, I risk organ failure, and I feel like I am slowly dying. I do not want any of these things (Actually all of it scares me to death), but right now I am fighting for two or more lives and I know I have to be brave! I know that me or my baby may not make it out of this pregnancy alive (yes, mothers, and saddest of all, babies sometimes still do not make it though HG), but I have to believe I will.
• Don’t isolate me. I think this is the most important one. Where did we get the idea that it is best to leave someone alone when they are going through the most difficult time in their lives? We rationalize it by telling ourselves that they need to rest or that we don’t want to bother them, but this is when we need you the most!
• Do insist on visiting or even better, helping out. I will have lots of excuses why you shouldn’t but the truth is that I am not the superwoman I was before (which is really hard for me to admit). My house is a mess, I probably have not bathed in a week or more, I definitely have not brushed my teeth, I may have a hard time talking, I may not be able to get out of bed, and I most certainly am embarrassed to puke in front of you. The truth is I NEED HELP. If you can, come over and talk to me (If I am having a hard time speaking, stick to yes or no questions and keep the conversation AWAY from food, drinks, or anything that would make you say “ewww”), insist on helping (doing the dishes, cleaning a bathroom, watching the kids, taking the kids to the park for a short time), or just sit with me so that if I need help I can just ask for it. I may just want to rest sometimes, but believe me I do not want to be alone through this whole pregnancy!
• If you are squeamish around vomit, Do text often. You definitely do not have to be physically present to make your HG sufferer feel like they still matter! Some HG moms have a hard time just speaking without getting sick, so technology is here to help! Text her! There are some days when just looking at the screen makes me sick, but when I feel better I will get back to you! Let her know you are thinking about her often, catch her up on the latest gossip, tell her what is going on in your life, ask her how she is doing (even if the answer is “TERRIBLE” every time). You just may find that old spark in her that pulls her out of her misery for a few minutes! When this is all over and she is back to her normal self, she will not feel like she is a stranger to you.
• Don’t give me advice. HG IS NOT MORNING SICKNESS, so please do not tell me to eat a cracker, or drink ginger ale, or it will get better after the first trimester, or that “every pregnancy is different and next time you might not get sick (Because chances are I will and my concerns about another life or death pregnancy are valid)”. Think about it, if you had the choice between eating a cracker or taking loads of medications and being hooked up to fluids all the time, which would you choose? Exactly! If any of that stuff really worked for HG we would all be cured on day 1!