POOR RICH KIDS
UNDERLYING CAUSES
dient, affectionate child suddenly turns to-
tally uncontrollable, tough and intolerant.
T
he number of teenage suicides is
increasing from year to year. Statis-
tics show that children from wealthy
families are more susceptible to them. Sto-
ries that we read in newspapers or hear
from friends are very alarming and discon-
certing indeed. Parents dread to even think
about it, nevermind talk about it. If some-
thing is alarming in your child’s behavior,
however, don’t hesitate to consult a
specialist straight away.
In an effort to prove himself a grown-up, a
teenager deliberately aggravates his con-
flicts, asserting his rights, not tolerating
any invasion into his personal space. Teen-
agers have high demands, but are not in
a position to do other than very little yet.
Fantasies of death and suicide are closely
associated with a sense of meaningless-
We don’t often take time to dwell on what’s
happening with them, what is causing these
mood swings. Sadly, we don’t take their
problems and concerns seriously enough. It
wouldn’t even occur to us that «all this non-
sense» may be perceived as the end of the
world by our child.
Lack of experience dealing with frustra-
tion. This problem is particularly acute in
wealthy families that have the means to pro-
tect their child from everyday aggres-
sion, rudeness, injustice and violence.
Children are often raised like green-
house plants. The most comfortable
and conflict-free environment is inten-
tionally created. Sadly, it often gives
a sense of total permissiveness and
impunity. These young people are not
ready for real life with its unpleasant
surprises and disappointments. They lack
constructive skills of stress management
and easily succumb to any difficulty.
If something is alarming in
your child’s behaviour, how-
ever, don’t hesitate to consult
a specialist straight away.
Most of the time, superficial reasons, not
the underlying causes are analyzed with
respect to teenage suicides: death of a
loved one, conflicts with parents, exam
failure, unanswered love. But the causes
are much more complicated than that.
I would single out the three most significant
ones: crisis of adolescence, lack of love and
attention, lack of experience dealing with
frustration.
The crisis of adolescence. Adolescence is
one of the most acute and prolonged life
crises. Rapid changes are discouraging and
confusing to parents. A typically soft, obe-
ness, helplessness, hopelessness and inner
emptiness. They often feel superfluous,
lost and even worthless. They have lost
a basic sense of pleasure, joy and hap-
piness. Nothing is interesting anymore:
movies, games or pastimes with friends.
They lack the energy or motivation to act.
To fill in the inner void and experience a
sense of joy, they need stronger incen-
tives! That’s when car rac-
ing, «artificial highs» and
«emotional
stimulants»
such as alcohol and drugs
come in handy. Some cut
their hands to feel the
pain claiming that’s the
only way to feel alive. This
may all end up tragically.
Lack of love and attention.
It is not easy for us, par-
ents, to accept this «new»
child with his claims to
independence, deliberate
rudeness and demonstra-
tive sloppiness. We may
end up losing our temper,
responding with aggres-
sion and harshness: «Have
you not even cleaned
your room?», «Look at the
state of you!», «In bed by
10pm!»
The child feels unattractive,
misunderstood, «surround-
ed by enemies»: «You don’t
love me and I hate you!».
All he wants, however, is to
make sure that he is loved
unconditionally — in spite
of his school results, pro-
vocative behaviour or pim-
pled face.
172 / Hello Monaco Winter 2019–2020
www.hellomonaco.com
Statistically, one teenager out of five has ex-
perienced suicidal thoughts. Thankfully, the
actual suicide statistics have nothing to do
with that. Most teenagers don’t want to die,
they are just struggling with emotional and
physical pain. Sometimes, suicide seems the
only way out, a solution to all problems, sal-
vation from humiliation, despair and loneli-
ness.
SOS SIGNALS
A
suicide attempt is, above all, a cry for
help. Teenagers are not really plan-
ning «an irrevocable death». They
are trying to steer differently, but their cal-
culations may go wrong. We must intercept
the SOS signals before the child has taken
a final step and a «mock» suicide becomes
real. Which signals should alert us?
Talking about death. He or she often
brings up the subject of suicide: «I will soon
be gone», «I’m fed up, better die than be
like that». Posting warning messages and
photos on the Internet. Posting portraits of
famous rock stars who died young from a
drug overdose and constantly bringing it up
in conversations.
Sudden changes in his ways. Lack of ap-
petite for someone who used to be a hearty
eater; insomnia for someone who used to
sleep well; skipping school as opposed to
being an exemplary student. Giving up on
his appearance for someone who always
used to care. Or the opposite, grooming
himself: «I would like to be remembered in
this way». A sociable child who starts avoid-
ing contacts with family and friends.