HEALTHY MIND & SOUL · JANUARY 2019
M
FRIENDSHIP
ore and more
of us appear
to have fewer
and fewer
people in
our lives whom we would
consider friends. And lest the word friend
be left too ambiguous, let a friend be
defined as someone with whom you
have confided matters that are
truly important to you within
the past six months.
I know. You’re busy! So is
everybody else – including the
people who are healthy enough to have
emotional ties. You don’t have time for
the obligations in your life already?
I understand that excuse too. But
the issue here is priorities. Which
is more important? Playing
computer games or having a
friend? Getting a bigger house
or loving (and being loved by)
Researchers cite evidence
that Americans have a third
fewer close friends than just
a couple of decades ago.
More disturbing still, the data
seem to indicate that the
number of us who have nobody
to count as a close personal
friend has more than doubled.
The findings hold for both males and
females. They are consistent for people of all
races, ages, and educational levels. Even within
families, the degree of intimacy has diminished
considerably. All this information can’t be good
news, for it translates into people who feel
lonelier and more isolated than ever.
Emotionally healthy people form meaningful
ties with other human beings. They don’t just
exchange information but share personal
things. They talk about likes and dislikes, joys
and fears. They extend themselves to help
others and know how to accept assistance
when they get in over their heads. When they
“No man is an island, entire of
itself,” he wrote.
the people in the house you
have now? Making extra cash or
having a real life?
The same research shows not only
that people have fewer friends these
days but that more and more of us
are feeling the need for them. With the
circle drawn so tiny, people are feeling lonely.
Everybody needs people to count on.
have important decisions to make, they get
insight and support from their friends.
Everybody needs a handful of people with
whom to connect in these intimate ways.
Nobody is smart enough, strong enough, or
competent enough to negotiate something
as complicated as this human adventure
called life alone. John Donne protested the
idea that men and women could function in
splendid isolation from one another.
“Everybody needs a handful of people
with whom to connect in these intimate
ways.”
If you are one of those people in need of
friends, the best advice I can give is this:
Spend more time being a friend to
someone than in trying to find one.
Care to guess what sort of dividend is
returned on that investment?
By Rubel Shelly
8 HEALTHY MAGAZINE