ALLOWING OUR KIDS ’ FRAGILE EGOS TO BE SHOVELED ‘ LIKES ’ OR ‘ DISLIKES ’ DAY AFTER DAY IS CRUEL .
HEALTHY KIDS · APRIL 2018
INSTAGRAM & YOUR KIDS :
What Would Piaget Say ?
WHAT WOULD PIAGET SAY ?
Amy is a junior at an Ivy League University . She recently commented that many of her friends spend time and money glamming up for shots to post on Snapchat or Instagram . The point ? To get “ Likes ” of course . The power of that one click word in the lives of coeds in toptier colleges , troubled teens , and adolescents of all stripes gains momentum daily . Interestingly , the word isn ’ t “ respect , love or admire ” – it is “ like .” What a silly , meaningless word . But it is changing the personalities and identities of our teens and young adults everywhere .
The word is trouble for teens and young adults and here ’ s why . The great psychologist Jean Piaget posited years ago that there are four stages of cognitive development children experience before they become adults . These stages are : sensorimotor stage ( 0-2 ), preoperational stage ( 2-7 ), concrete operational stage ( 7-11 ) and the formal operational stage ( 12 and up .)
In this fourth stage , Piaget describes what he calls the adolescent imaginary audience . This is the condition where the immature mind conceives that everyone outside of them watches their every move . You remember this . At 16 , you were embarrassed by acne because you believed that the moment you walked into class , all eyes would stare at the lone pimple on your chin . Or the high school soccer star who practiced endlessly in his backyard to millions of imaginary cheering fans . It felt at once wonderful but awful . All eyes are on you because you are so significant and yet , those same eyes see your greatness ( usually imaginary too ) as well as your flaws .
ALLOWING OUR KIDS ’ FRAGILE EGOS TO BE SHOVELED ‘ LIKES ’ OR ‘ DISLIKES ’ DAY AFTER DAY IS CRUEL .
What Piaget didn ’ t foretell was that his theories were going to become reality . The elusive imaginary adolescent audience would dissolve into a quasi-imaginary audience in the form of Instagram , Snapchat , and Twitter where anyone could see any teen at any time . We could call the audience real but in fact , it isn ’ t wholly real . Yes , real people view pictures and posts , but they do so in a dangerous vacuum . Their responses are dissociated from relationships , feelings or exchange of truth . Most significantly , they feed the adolescent ego that craves attention from the imaginary audience . And herein lies the real danger . Piaget described a stage that teens move through in order to mature into psychologically healthy adults who can think beyond their own egos and learn compassion , empathy , and generosity .
Instagram and the like trap young adults and teens in this fourth stage by reaffirming the ego ’ s need to be fed hour after hour , day in and day out . That attention is the tiny icon thumb pointing up or pointing down .
The elusive imaginary adolescent audience has dissolved into a quasi-imaginary audience in the form of Instagram , Snapchat , and Twitter .
As good parents , we need to understand that Piaget was right . Allowing our kids ’ fragile egos to be shoveled ‘ likes ’ or ‘ dislikes ’ day after day is cruel . It prevents them from becoming fully formed , clear-thinking and happy adults . In fact , do something bold today . Ask yourself why you are on Instagram and social media ? The truth is , it makes each of us feel better when we look happier / more successful / prettier etc . than our peers . Snapchat and Instagram are nothing but ‘ show-off ’ zones for the insecure . And I ’ ll admit – I ’ m insecure . If you and I as mature adults feel better or worse with likes or dislikes , think how much more profoundly a young teen feels with them ? Are you willing to post a photo of yourself without your makeup or when you just got out of bed ? I didn ’ t think so .
Snapchat and Instagram are nothing but ‘ show-off ’ zones for the insecure .
Shrinking the ego to its healthy size takes years , so help your kids . Their minds and intellects are nothing to fool around with . Either keep them off social media altogether ( yes this can be done and I have many mothers in my practice who can prove it ) or limit your kids ’ – particularly your daughters ’ – participation in it to 30 minutes a day . You will be amazed how much better they will feel about life , themselves and yes , how much healthier they will be psychologically .
That ’ s what Jean Piaget would do . By Meg Meeker
10 HEALTHY MAGAZINE