HEALTHY LIFESTYLE · JULY 2017
FRIENDSHIP
More and more of us appear
to have fewer and fewer people in our lives whom we would consider friends . And lest the word friend be left too ambiguous , let a friend be defined as someone with whom you have confided matters that are truly important to you within the past six months .
Researchers cite evidence that Americans have a third fewer close friends than just a couple of decades ago . More disturbing still , the data seem to indicate that the number of us who have nobody to count as a close personal friend has more than doubled .
The findings hold for both males and females . They are consistent for people of all races , ages , and educational levels . Even within families , the degree of intimacy has diminished considerably . All this information can ’ t be good news , for it translates into people who feel lonelier and more isolated than ever .
Emotionally healthy people form meaningful ties with other human beings . They don ’ t just exchange information but share personal things . They talk about likes and dislikes , joys and fears . They extend themselves to help others and know how to accept assistance when they get in over their heads . When they have important decisions to make , they get insight and support from their friends .
Everybody needs a handful of people with whom to connect in these intimate ways . Nobody is smart enough , strong enough , or competent enough to negotiate something as complicated as this human adventure called life alone . John Donne protested the idea that men and women could function in splendid isolation from one another . “ No man is an island , entire of itself ,” he wrote .
I know . You ’ re busy ! So is everybody else – including the people who are healthy enough to have emotional ties . You don ’ t have time for the obligations in your life already ? I understand that excuse too . But the issue here is priorities . Which is more important ? Playing computer games or having a friend ? Getting a bigger house or loving ( and being loved by )
the people in the house you have now ? Making extra cash or having a real life ?
The same research shows not only that people have fewer friends these days but that more and more of us are feeling the need for them . With the circle drawn so tiny , people are feeling lonely . Everybody needs people to count on .
" Everybody needs a handful of people with whom to connect in these intimate ways ."
If you are one of those people in need of friends , the best advice I can give is this : Spend more time being a friend to someone than in trying to find one .
Care to guess what sort of dividend is returned on that investment ?
By Rubel Shelly
6 HEALTHY MAGAZINE