HEALTHY KIDS ยท APRIL 2017
5
THE
RULES
OF MODERN
MOTHERHOOD
YOU CAN
TOTALLY
BREAK
T
here are very few safe places for moms to go
to escape the heavy, leering eyes of judgment
in today's society. I don't believe being a mom
has ever been harder in this sense! While so much in
our world is getting easier and improving, thanks to
technology, our role is only getting tougher.
It's almost impossible to be a good mom today.
Don't use sunscreen...
The formula is devil juice...
The public school system leads to suicide and second-
grade sex romps...
Sleep with your baby, or she'll never have a good
relationship with you...
Don't let your child sleep with you or he'll never know how
to self-soothe, and he'll live with you till he's 49...
Basically, no matter what decision we make, there's always
another side shouting at us "YOU'RE RUINING YOUR KID'S
LIFE AND YOU ARE THE WORST!" We can't win.
Let me drop some freedom in your lap, girl. You don't
have to follow the rules. In fact, I'm going to step right up
and point out five rules (there are WAY more, but let's
start here) you can just go ahead and throw right out the
window right now. Like, don't even worry about it. Cause I
think we could all use a lighter load these days.
5 RULES OF MODERN MOTHERHOOD YOU
CAN TOTALLY BREAK
1. YOU HAVE TO HAVE IT ALL TOGETHER, ALL THE TIME.
BAHAHAHAHAHA! Who even made this one up? This is a joke, yet I
see this rule being held over our heads by OTHER moms all the time! I
mean what gives?
The thing about motherhood is its insanity- it's loud, it's wishy-
washy and back and forth and completely unpredictable, making it
impossible to have it all together. You're better than this mama. Shake
that right off and move on.
2. CARPE DIEM EVERY FREAKING MOMENT.
Somewhere along the way, we started to believe that we moms have
to "seize the day" not only every day but every moment. Umm, no.
Call me what you will, but when the baby's diaper has exploded up
to his neckline, the boys are shouting wiener and buttcrack jokes at
each other while jumping on the freshly-folded pile of laundry, and
my daughter is "expressing herself" with paints whilst standing over
the white carpet, the last thing I'm going to be doing is carpe-ing this
never-ending diem. Mmkay?
The philosophy that we moms need to hold onto every fleeting
moment and treat it like a baby seal is ridiculous and only leads to
mom guilt. Like we need another ounce of that in our lives! Shake it
off, mommers.
8 HEALTHY MAGAZINE