to forgive
An invitation
by: Julie Cloninger, HFL Team
30
Let’s Wrestle Together
I want to tell you a story of forgiveness and then look at some Scripture passages on forgiveness. My story is not a success story of me having forgiven well, but instead a story of my forgiveness. It would be easier in some ways to share a time when I was seriously wronged and I was the hero of forgiveness. But for today, I think the story of me as the perpetrator sets a better stage because it shows you my need for forgiveness. And hopefully, it will soften your heart to your own need, rather than resisting this teaching because you hold too much pain born from the sins of others.
Let’s wrestle together with God’s word. We know God’s word, “The Text” is wisdom and truth, but we so often look past what is life and hope and stop examining. We settle into a comfortable awareness, which is often no awareness at all. My hunch is that forgiveness may be one of those topics left unexamined or even misrepresented to us and by us.
For the time being, please set aside any thoughts on forgiveness that you are currently holding. If you think of someone (or someones) that has harmed you and you are really struggling to forgive him or her right now, please take a deep breath and imagine yourself handing that person or group of people to Jesus. Imagine him keeping them in a sort of holding pen for the time being while we journey together with Holy Spirit through Jesus’ teaching on forgiveness.
My Story of Receiving Forgiveness
I am going to be as honest and transparent as I can because I believe there is power in telling our stories truly.
My precious oldest daughter, Caroline, told me several years ago that she was queer and that in fact she was in love with a person who identifies as “them.” This person lives in England and they met while my daughter was studying abroad. Caroline intended to marry this person. My heart broke as I absorbed this information. I had no place in my life for her confession of queer love. I had no place in my faith for how to process and no place in my experiences for what to do. I was devastated and cried a fair amount. I was glad at least she planned to move across the globe because I wouldn’t face shame and rejection in my local Christian community. Maybe no one would know, I would comfort myself. But I was also destroyed that my precious baby would be so far away.
When she asked if I would attend her wedding, I said, “No. How could I celebrate something that I believe to be sin?” I wrestled with God with the rightness of this answer. The only thing I saw was sin. Once decided, I wept when I thought about all the dashed dreams I held in my heart of special occasions shared with my daughter around her eventual marriage, but I didn’t revisit the answer for years and Caroline didn't ask