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March 2016 | Read this issue and more at www.healthandwellnessmagazine.net |
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PARENTING FOR WELLNESS
A Sibling on the Horizon
Helping your child adjust when a new baby arrives
By Sarah Brokamp, Staff Writer
It is common
for a child to
have mixed feelings about the
arrival of a new
sibling. Sometimes children may be
jealous or feel their territory is being
breached by the birth of a baby. There
are many ways get your child excited
about the new addition to the family.
One way to extinguish jealousy
is to keep the soon-to-be siblings
informed about your pregnancy.
Discuss with them what is about to
happen and all the changes that will
occur, taking their maturity levels
into account. If your child is around
toddler age, break it down into simple
terms. It is important to educate him
early. Do not leave him in the dark.
Answer his questions thoughtfully
and remain patient. “Where do babies
come from?” is an age-old question
your child will most likely ask. But
she isn’t always inquiring about sex.
Instead, the child is curious about
where the baby physically comes
from. Try not to say, “The baby
comes from mommy’s tummy.” Use
the proper terminology. Say instead,
“The baby comes from the uterus
inside mommy’s tummy.” If the child
wants to know what the uterus is or
what it does, explain it to her. To help
the child grasp this concept, show
her pictures from when she was a
baby and also from when you were
pregnant with her. Walk her through
the birth and growth processes and
explain that what happened when she
was born is about to happen again.
It is important that the child feels
included in the preparations for
the new arrival. Allow him to participate by asking for potential baby
names and taking him to doctor’s
appointments, where he might see
the ultrasound or listen to the baby’s
heartbeat. He will begin to feel more
connected to the baby, which can
replace feelings of fear and jealousy
with excitement.
After the baby arrives, make sure
the oldest child is one of the first to
see the newborn. With all the fuss
and chaos, you don’t want your child
to feel disconnected. By letting the
older child be one of the first to hold
and see the baby, you establish the
bond between the siblings as something sacred.
The baby’s homecoming can be
scary and daunting not only for you
but also for your firstborn. Strive to
set a normal, stable routine that is
easy for the other children to adjust
to. Include the older sibling(s) in as
many activities as possible with the
new baby. It is easy for the oldest to
feel left out. But he or she can help
with simple care tasks, such as bringing you clean diapers or clothes or
rocking the baby. You will not only
strengthen the new relationship
between the siblings but also reaffirm
your bond with the oldest.
Take advantage of one-on-one time
with your oldest child. The opportunities will not be as frequent as before
the baby’s arrival, so when free time
does arise, jump on it. During the
new baby’s nap is a great opportunity to spend quality time with your
oldest child. She might want to talk
about how she feels about the new
baby. This can be a confusing time
and you want to make sure your child
is comfortable talking to you about
it. Ask about her concerns. Does she
enjoy spending time with the new
sibling? Does she feel she is receiving
enough attention from you? Be open
and answer her questions honestly.
There are many great resources
that can assist you in your discussions
about pregnancy with your child.
Where Did I Come From? by Peter
Mayle is full of commonly asked
questions from children expecting a
new sibling. The book answers those
questions in easy terms while remaining informative and appropriate.
Laura Numeroff has a set of picture
books for new siblings. What Brothers
Do Best and What Sisters Do Best
really help establish the new role the
oldest child is about to take on. Both
picture books are great bedtime reads.
Numeroff gets children excited about
the new sibling by sharing with them
all the fun things they can teach their
new brother or sister. If you want to
explore other books about having siblings with your child, venture to your
local bookstore.
By letting
the older
child be
one of the
first to hold
and see the
baby, you
establish
the bond
between the
siblings as
something
sacred.