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August 2014 | Read this issue and more at www.healthandwellnessmagazine.net |
Just the Way We Are:
How to Forgive Yourself for
Being Imperfect
By Annette Racond,
Staff Writer
On an intellectual level, we all
know no one is perfect. Although we
may forgive others, we often find it
difficult to give ourselves a break. We
may become riddled with guilt over
something we did or said, beating ourselves up for extended periods of time
for being imperfect. People who are
codependent may even take responsibility and assume guilt for another
person’s actions. They may even come
to believe that their husband’s or wife’s
drinking problem is their fault. It’s
not all that uncommon for victims of
abuse to experience guilt and shame as
if in some way what happened to them
was their doing.
Enduring constant guilt can lead to
shame, which makes us feel inferior,
inadequate, and unworthy about the
very essence of who we are. Our wellbeing will inevitably be compromised
if we hold onto guilt and shame, con2 HAMBURG JOURNAL
tinuing to punish ourselves for words
and actions that we can’t go back in
time and change. What we can do
is learn from our mistakes and forge
ahead. Here are some tips for healthy
ways to help you begin the process of
forgiving yourself:
1. Pen to Paper: Write down what
you feel you’ve done wrong and if
you’re magnifying the situation in any
way. Consider whether or not you’re
holding yourself to an unreasonWWW.HAMBURGJOURNAL.COM
ably high standard and why carrying
around buckets of guilt isn’t helping
anyone. Even if you determine that
you did do or say something wrong,
think about why it might be wise to let
go of all of the angst you’ve been toting around.
2. Make Amends: If you’ve come to
the conclusion that you have indeed
caused harm to someone, reach out to
them (if appropriate). Let them know
you regret what you did or said and
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ask for forgiveness. If you don’t deem
it appropriate to speak to this person
directly or if the individual is no longer
with us, consider writing a letter without sending it. Express your thoughts
and feelings about what transpired.
You don’t necessarily have to confront
the person to gain a sense of closure.
3. Honesty Counts: Taking responsibility for your actions is critical.
Accountability allows us to examine
what we’ve done, giving us an opportunity to learn from our mistakes. We
don’t have to keep making the same
mistakes over and over again. We can
feel remorse without going overboard
and holding onto such feelings for infinite periods of time. We can’t change
the past, but we can own up to our
wrongdoings and figure out how to
move forward on a more positive note.
4. Onward and Upward: Moving on
is the only healthy path on the road to
living a fulfilling life. Letting go can be
exhilarating and can open up a whole
new way of life for everyone involved.
Be good to yourself and become your
own best friend.
About the Author
Annette Racond is a Certified Health
Coach who has had her work published in The New York Times, The
Miami Herald, Chicago Sun-Times and
Newsday, along with other major publications.
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