Toxic Shame and the Inner Child
At one point or another , the child within us will become hurt , abandoned or traumatised when we are young . Whether intentionally or unintentionally we may be made to feel :
• Shameful about who we are
• Unlovable or unworthy
• Fearful about the world
• Mistrust toward other people
• Unintelligent or ungifted
• Unwanted or like a burden
And this is by no means an exhaustive list ! We may become the surrogate caretakers of our mothers or fathers , we may be beaten or sexually abused , chronically bullied and name-called , and religiously shamed or shunned … the list of wounding traumas goes on . Any experience that rendered our inner child overwhelmed and incapable of dealing with what was happening wounded this tender aspect of us . Because we were incapable of fully processing the passive or active trauma due to our sensitive nervous systems , the trauma became frozen within us . In psychological terms , we dissociated from it meaning that it fragmented from our waking awareness . What happens to this frozen and fragmented energy ? It becomes locked away within the dark vaults of our unconscious . Unless we go on a journey to meet , understand , process , and heal this wounded energy inside of us , it has the potential to sabotage our lives and cause us to remain stuck in a cycle of suffering .
Toxic Shame and the Inner Child
Perhaps one of the most tragic consequences of having a wounded inner child is toxic shame . If you were constantly shamed , diminished or felt like you were never “ good enough ” to your parents growing up , you probably struggle with toxic shame . If you were never fully accepted for who you were , you probably have an issue with toxic shame . If you were chronically bullied , name-called or physically / sexually abused , you also likely suffer from toxic shame . What exactly is toxic shame ? Unlike normal shame which comes and goes , toxic shame becomes lodged deeply within your mind . It becomes part of your identity . In other words , if you struggle with toxic shame you will feel worthless , suffer from low self-esteem , and self-loathing . On an unconscious level , you will believe that you are innately “ shameful ” or “ bad .” Toxic shame leads to the development of negative core beliefs that fester away deep within . Core beliefs are the central assumptions that we have about ourselves that rule a vast majority of our behaviour and choices .